Tag: university

Beyond My Realm of Knowledge

Published on by tinavila20Leave a comment

Podcast version available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Anchor!

When I was in university, there was a running joke between my classmates and I about a clever phrase to use whenever we didn’t know how to answer a question.

To avoid the embarrassment of being called on by a professor and forced to admit that we didn’t know the correct answer… or worse! Being on a teaching placement as a teacher-in-training, and being stumped by the question of a sassy high schooler, we’d simply reply with:

That’s beyond my realm of knowledge

It’s just a pretentious way of saying: I haven’t a clue… Beats me… Or the classic: I don’t know!

Well, more than 15 years after that nugget of wisdom was born, I find myself more comfortable disclosing my intellectual limitations.

For one, I haven’t been in such a structured academic setting in a long time. So I am admittedly rusty. However, more importantly, I’m realizing what many wiser people ahead of me have come to discover as well:

The more you know, the more you realize you don’t know.

I don’t mean this to sound self-deprecating, so I hope that doesn’t come across. The truth is, that this applies to so much of life.

For example, before having my kids, I knew everything there was to know about being a parent. The older my kids get, the more there is to it. We’re growing and learning together. The answers were simple when they were babies, but they are becoming increasingly complex as their very lives do as well.

And so I find this to be true in my walk with Jesus too.

Answers came easy when I was young! Now? Not so much. On the one hand, life is more complex than I realized, and on the other hand, God is more complex than I realized. But that’s a good thing!

It’s comforting to know there’s so much outside my realm of knowledge. Even as I seek to understand, learn, and grow, there is so much yet to be discovered about who God is and how He works. The more I know, the more I want to know. And I hope that’s contagious.

Knowing About vs Truly Knowing

I’m reminded of James 2:19, where James tells his readers that even demons believe God exists, and they shudder at the thought. Intellectually knowing something to be true, doesn’t mean it changes you on the inside. It doesn’t equal transformation. Do you expect your knowledge of God or His Word to be enough to change your life?

The bottom line is that God is not about head knowledge!

If He was, the religious leaders of Jesus’ day would have nailed. Instead, they nailed Him to the cross because they missed the mark.

God wants us to experience Him. To fill us with His Spirit, so the fruit of the Spirit could flow out of us.

You may recall the scripture:

Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.

– 1 Corinthians 8:1

I absolutely love the NLT translation that says:

But while knowledge makes us feel important, it is love that strengthens the church.

I mean, come on! As someone who loves to learn and teach and expand my realm of knowledge, I SO need that shift in focus.

Knowing more won’t solve all your problems. More of God in your life, the Source of love, because God IS love… that is what will strengthen His people.

I don’t know what kind of man He is.

I cannot wait to share this next bit with you. It’s recently become my absolute favourite story in the Bible. It’s found in John chapter 9 and it starts off kind of weird. Jesus spits on the ground, makes mud with the dirt and saliva, rubs it onto the eyes of a man born blind, and after telling him to wash off the mud, the man’s sight is fully restored. A miracle!

Not to gloss over the miracle of sight, but what happens next is my favourite part.

What should have been a beautifully redemptive moment of healing, turns into a scandalous controversy.

Here’s why:

  • Jesus healed on the Sabbath
  • This was problematic because Jesus lived during a time when religious leaders had added to Mosaic law regarding what was permissible during the Sabbath.
  • What was supposed to be a day of rest, and opportunity to connect with God more deeply, had been twisted into a heavy burden of trying to avoid breaking all the countless rules that had been added to the sacred day.
  • So instead of worshiping God for this miraculous healing, the Pharisees berate the man and demand answers regarding Jesus.

Before we go on, let’s help this hit closer to home.

Maybe YOU’VE encountered Jesus. Maybe God has worked miraculously in YOUR life. Maybe it wasn’t a physical miracle, but maybe He healed something deep inside you that no one and nothing had been able to fix.

And before you can even make sense of what’s happened, doubt creeps in (whether from outside or in), causing you to question everything.

Well going back to our Sabbath healing…

  • The man born blind won’t have it.
  • He’s annoyed at their questions, and even mocks their constant probing!

 “Look!” the man exclaimed. “I told you once. Didn’t you listen? Why do you want to hear it again? Do you want to become his disciples, too?”

– John 9:27
  • The man likely knew that the Pharisees had no interest in becoming followers of Jesus.
  • And perhaps you too are surrounded by similar probing questions coming from insincere hearts.
  • Here is what I love most about the man’s response and what I hope to communicate today…

The Message and The Passion translations are my favourite versions of my favourite verse in the whole story, so I’m including them both.

He replied, “I know nothing about that one way or the other. But I know one thing for sure: I was blind . . . I now see.”

– John 9:25 MSG

The healed man replied, “I have no idea what kind of man He is. All I know is that I was blind and now I can see for the first time in my life!”

– John 9:25 TPT

Friends, so much of what I believe is, in fact, outside my realm of knowledge despite how much I love to learn and study and expand my brain. I know we’re not all built that way and we all grow differently.

But here’s the truth of it for me:

I don’t know everything about Jesus.

All I know with certainty, is what I’ve experienced.

  • I was blind, and now I see.
  • I was lost, and now I’m found.
  • I was walking in darkness, and I’ve seen a Great Light.
  • I was dead, and now I’m alive.

Maybe reading/ listening to this had you assuming I somehow had answers beyond that… I don’t always. And I’m ok with that. There’s just so much beyond my realm of knowledge. The more I learn, the more I realize I don’t know.

But knowing His love and what He’s done is enough. And I’ll continue to pursue knowing Him as long as I have eyes to see, ears to hear, and breath in my lungs.

What’s in the Ears

Steffany Gretzinger is a great artist for more stripped down, vocal-focused worship. This is from her new album with throwback songs from the 90s but with her own take on them. The song Knowing You couldn’t be more perfectly paired with the theme of this post.

There will always be some aspect of faith that is beyond our realms of knowledge. But may that push us to dig deeper, instead of becoming cynics or giving up altogether.
I’d love to know your thoughts on this in the comments, send me a message, and share with a friend too!

Podcast version available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Anchor!

But I Failed, Again

Published on by tinavila204 Comments

Before Twitter and Instagram were born, and when Facebook was still in its infancy, I embarked on my first semester at McGill University.

I was a fresh young thing, with a spring in my step and a dream in my heart. And, like most sheltered young adult Type A personalities – I was determined, ambitious, and painfully naive.

Y’all, this was snapped with an actual camera because our phones were used for only phone calls back then. Still paid for text messages by the letter, and no smart phones in sight. Hair was permed. Life. Was. Good.

After getting excellent grades in my high school and CEGEP (in Quebec, similar to a junior college) history courses, I was certain I’d experience the same level of academic success at McGill.

I enrolled in a Bachelor of Secondary Education, majoring in history and minoring in religious education. It felt like a program tailored specifically for me, as it combined all my favourite things:

  • a study of the past
  • a study of faith
  • all wrapped up in program that equips you to teach them!

Wow, was I in for a rude awakening.

I failed.

I did the one thing you’re not supposed to do if you’re studying to be a history teacher in Canada: I failed my Canadian history course. Just straight bombed it. It was ugly. It was embarrassing, humiliating, confusing, you name it – I felt it.

Spoiler: I did graduate.

Have you ever hit roadblocks whilst travelling on the road of life to your destiny, that caused you to question reality and everything that matters? I sure did!

I was very disillusioned with what I thought was my purpose, my calling, my destiny, my gifting… The one thing you long to discover you were born to do. That contribution only you can make to this world in your own unique way… Failure was devastating. Failure felt like the end of my road.

Some good news!

Don’t worry, Tina! They offer a supplemental exam, so credits could be made up by just retaking the exam!

Well, that’s what I did. I studied my ass off, and wrote my brains out on that supplemental. I was back in the game!

Except I really, really wasn’t. To my shock and horror…

I failed, again.

I bombed the supplemental. Which, by the way, was supposed to be even easier than the final for the original class.

As any level-headed person would, I began to question my very existence and purpose in life. My entire future flashed before my eyes as I wondered,

How can I be a history teacher if I can’t even pass a freshman level history course? …multiple times?!

I mean, it was a fair question.

To add insult to injury, I discovered that my initial grade would still appear on my transcript, and both would be calculated into my GPA. Fantastic.

McGill University convocation, May 2009.

Well, third time’s the charm. By the time I graduated from McGill, I had 3 attempts on that blasted Canadian history course and my poor GPA had all the blows to show for it.

Fast forward six years

I had taught at several Montreal schools, gotten hitched, and popped out a couple of kids. I’ll never understand the term popped out when referring to childbirth, as it is anything but!

I digress…

We were making plans to move to Leamington, and that meant transferring my Quebec teaching credentials to Ontario. Easy peasy! I’d be on the road to molding the young minds of Essex County in no time.

Except, nope!

We were married just a few weeks post-graduation!

You guessed it… I failed. Again.

Ok fine, maybe I’m being dramatic. I didn’t actually fail because it’s just a matter of paying to be certified, which I did, and I am. But I just couldn’t land a job!

I wasn’t invited for an interview. Didn’t even get called to fill in for the day.

I was just a resumé sitting in an inbox collecting cyber dust waiting to be noticed. To this day, I haven’t taught even one period of high school history, English, or religion. The trinity of my passions. (Still being dramatic…)

This was snapped shortly after moving to Leamington. Just waiting for callbacks to interview for a teaching gig. Never got one.

When failure is a catalyst

Well you know what? If life had gone according to my plan…

I wouldn’t have acquired the tenacity or determination that can only develop after you’re knocked down and resolve to rise and try again.

  • That I learnt after failing my history course.

I wouldn’t have come to appreciate that the most valuable lessons can’t be learnt by taking shortcuts. That the long way is the only way to learn patience, and strengthen your perseverance.

  • That I learnt after failing my supplemental exam.

I wouldn’t have been home with my kids all these years, with enough time on my hands to eventually step out of my comfort zone and start this blog.

  • That I learnt when the door of traditional teaching closed on me six years ago. But it took me awhile to see that one.

I wouldn’t have recognized that God’s ways are in fact higher and better. The type of “teaching” that I get to do on this blog and through Bible studies, are the very things I couldn’t even let my heart hope for. They seemed unattainable to me. Unrealistic. Beyond my reach.

  • That I learnt by looking past my failures and at God instead.

So turns out that failing over and over at that ONE thing I thought was my destiny, was actually God’s way of doing two things:

  1. Shaping me into the person I am today.
    Obviously this person isn’t perfect. And Lord knows I cringe at many things that make me who I am. BUT… I still like what God’s doing in this sinner. And I’m grateful for the lessons I’ve learnt through failure.
  2. Shaping my path to draw me closer to Himself and the purposes He had for me all along.
    Maybe I’ll find myself in a classroom again someday. I’m not above that. But it’s just no longer the desire of my heart. Sometimes God closes doors to open others we thought we’d never be good enough for in the first place.
In my classroom (kitchen table) writing lessons (blog posts) to share with anyone willing to read. It’s truly a privilege. (And slight hair upgrade from first photo.)

Three lessons from this failure:

  • God. Is. For. Your. GOOD. If you’re following Him, you can’t lose! Even when you do. Because He is always working things for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28)
  • God is not at a loss when you fail. We tend to think that we’re in God’s will when we experience success. But what if our failures are a vital part of what God is working in us? Not just in our accomplishments, but in our hearts. (1 Samuel 16:7)
  • Do the next right thing. Hit a dead end? Feeling confused? Is there a Frozen song being quoted here? Maybe. But it ain’t wrong. We don’t get to see the ending from the middle, but we can do the next right thing. Don’t know what that is? Need wisdom? Ask God! He gives it generously to anyone who asks. (James 1:5)

What’s in the Ears

Regardless of what failure we’ve endured, this song is a beautiful reminder that we can always rest in the palm of God’s hand.

Tell me, have you endured failure that has shaped you? To be honest, it was embarrassing to admit to failure here, but I’m glad I did. If you have your own experience to share, I’d love to hear it! Message me or comment below!