Author: tinavila20

The Postpartum Truth

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You’re going to be such a great mom!
You are a natural!
You grew up mothering your brothers, motherhood will come so easily to you!
You were always so good with kids, you’re going to love being a mom!

My first introduction to motherhood: my baby brother

On New Year’s Day 1988, my parents welcomed their first born son, and my own introduction to motherhood was born. I was 18 months old when my first of two brothers joined the ranks of our family, and I wasted no time in mothering and smothering him. Despite the bottle-drinking and diaper-wearing, no one bothered to tell me I was a baby myself! Or maybe I just tuned them out…?

Growing up, I was drawn to the role of a stay-at-home mom so I’d get to be the primary influence in my children’s lives before they went to school.

It just seemed like the natural fit for me to be home with my children. I mean, I was always told I’d be a natural, and don’t we all want to work in our natural strengths?

Well after my first miscarriage, which you can read about here, my mind was made up: I’d take the necessary steps to be home with any babies the Lord would bless us with.

So, twenty-four years after my first introduction to motherhood (when my brother was born on New Year’s Day), I had the privilege of welcoming my first born son on New Year’s Eve 2012. I was elated. And felt every positive emotion you can imagine.

Pregnancy was cute and easy. Motherhood, not so much.

Within a few days of returning home with our precious rainbow baby. Every positive emotion turned on me, and darkness enveloped my dream-come-true.

I was in terrible pain from birthing my son. Despite an epidural and smooth delivery, I was not healing as well as expected. Actually, nothing was going as well as expected. There were so many things I didn’t know. So many things nobody told me.

You see, when you’re told your entire life that you’re going to be a natural, you don’t bother doing the research, and learning the things, and actually preparing yourself!

Mama Tina as a baby herself, circa ’88

So really, I blame no one but myself. I knew motherhood would be an adjustment.

But I hadn’t a clue what I was in for after the baby bump selfies were over and the fourth trimester started. I hadn’t even heard of a fourth trimester!

No one told me…

  • that birthing the placenta would be so painful
  • the very real level of exhaustion I would feel when it’s all done
  • what a huge effect hormonal changes could have on me
  • nursing would hurt as much as it did
  • about tongue ties
  • my baby would never sleep ever
  • about jaundice
  • I could stop nursing if it’s too hard
  • it’s ok to get help
  • it’s ok if you need a break
  • it’s ok to cry
  • my mind would play tricks on me in the darkness
  • No one told me. Because no one knew.

I kept all the dark, hurt, pain, shame, and fears to myself. I was supposed to be a natural. I was supposed to love this. I was supposed to know what to do, and do it all so effortlessly well.

I was ashamed of letting down all the people who expected me to thrive as a mother. All the while the opposite was happening. And I was so confused.

Taken when our son was 7 days old. All I remember was feeling like my mind was disconnected from my body. So surreal.

I am a total amateur when it comes to this, but humour me with some details I knew NOTHING about when it really mattered…. And had I known then what I know now, I’m sure I wouldn’t have felt so…. messed up?

#Science
and words like that

A mother’s body produces hormones that help her and baby through the birthing process. Here are some important ones:

  • Oxytocin – hormone of love
  • Endorphins – hormone of pain relief
  • Adrenaline – hormone of survival
  • Prolactin – hormone of mothering

These all work together to give the body what it needs to birth baby, bond with baby, and eventually breastfeed baby.

After baby is born, mom still rides high on that wave of hormones (not to mention estrogen, progesterone, and more… but let’s keep things simple). Then, once milk comes in, IF milk comes in, all the hormones start to change, level out, and can often, crash.

I’m still fuzzy about some of this, but after all these years, I finally have a clearer understanding of what I was going through on a purely physical level.

I didn’t understand that my struggle wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t a reflection of my love, or desire, for my child. I wasn’t being selfish. I was literally unable to control how I felt.

This is how it all unfolded:

Within a day or two of coming home with our newborn son, the highs of birthing him came crashing down.

Why yes, that is a cradle for dolls. Which is exactly what my brother was to me.

Like I said, I was in more physical pain from birth than I could have EVER anticipated. But my own recovery took an immediate backseat to the needs of my son.

He was jaundice at birth, but not enough to warrant treatment at the hospital. Well, when a baby is only mildly jaundice, it’s recommended that the toxin is flushed out of his system the most natural way possible: wet diapers.

Enter: Mom’s milk.

For a newborn who’s exclusively breastfed, getting those diapers wet is exclusively mama’s responsibility.

The pressure to help my son get over his jaundice was unbearable. I mean literally I could not bear this load of responsibility.

Because of the lethargy brought on by jaundice, we’d wake our son every two hours, around the clock to feed. His lethargic state also meant it took him about an hour to eat enough. I’d try to sleep for the hour before the process started all over again.

Maybe this wouldn’t have been so bad if the following factors were not contributing to this living hell.
(a term I don’t use lightly, as this was the darkest season of my life.)

I remember being relieved that my husband was holding our son for this picture because I just couldn’t muster the desire to hold him myself.

Darkness, literally.

When your baby’s born in the middle of winter (December 31), you’re in the very depths of the shortest days of the year. Daylight hours are precious and few; and the bitter cold and snow of Montreal winters didn’t do me much good either. January and February are statistically the most depressing months of the year, and boy did I ever learn why.

Because I was spending so many hours awake to nurse my son, it felt like it was always the middle of the night.

I have memories nursing him in a rocking chair by my bedroom window. Around 4pm every day, my heart would start racing, my arms would begin to shake uncontrollably… I was having panic attacks each day as the sun would set. Dreading another very long, dark night of nursing. Feeling like I was the only person awake on the entire planet.

And I should have sought help for that.

I’d rather give birth

Does anyone use that as an expression when you don’t want to do something difficult? Well either way, I remember repeating it in my head over and over and over and over every time I had to nurse my son.

I’d rather give birth than nurse this baby…

You may be asking yourself, why?

The truth is, I hadn’t experienced anything as painful as nursing my son. It felt like daggers were being stabbed into me for an hour straight. I’m sorry for the TMI, but like, it’s the internet. I’m sure you’ll see worse today.

The excruciating pain I felt in nursing was mostly attributed to my son’s tongue tie. Because of my experience, I now urge anyone who’ll listen to please get a professional to check your baby’s tongue at birth! This was not done for my son, because like I said, I just didn’t know!

A nurse doing house calls came to check on us when my son was a week old. She had the sense to assess him and sure enough, he needed minor surgery to correct the tongue tie.

In retrospect, I should have stopped. For my own mental health, I should have pumped to bottle feed, or fed him formula, or something. The mental strain of seasonal depression with excruciating pain in nursing, and hormones out of whack was all just too much.

My days felt like an out-of-body experience. It’s like I was outside my own body just watching it all unfold in slow motion. Weeping through every nursing session in the dark. Trying desperately to get some sleep. It was just so hard.

And I should have sought help for that.

Six weeks after giving birth, I tried to “take a walk” for the first time.
I walked only a few houses down the street and came right back. It was overwhelming.

A wave of shame

I have a memory that still haunts me to this day. My son was weeks old. We had some family over, I can’t remember more details than that, but I remember my mother holding my son. She was sitting across the table from me and looking at me with a look of apprehension and curiosity.

She then asked me if I wanted to hold my baby.

I remember staring blankly, void of emotion, and simply saying, “Not right now.”

I then excused myself to my bedroom where I just stared at my reflection in the mirror. Silent tears streaming down my face, wondering who that stranger was staring back at me.

I couldn’t recognize myself to save my life. Who was this girl? Where was that natural mother? That maternal instinct? That woman who was great with kids and always knew what to do? Where was she?

I felt nothing but shame. And I buried that deep, deep inside.

You see, the truth is that I didn’t want to hold my son. I had no desire to even touch him unless I had to nurse him. Because when you spend 12 out of 24 hours of your day in excruciating pain just to feed your baby, you literally have nothing left to give.

And I should have sought help for that.

Postpartum, months later

A few months had passed, and though nursing was less painful, I was not yet thriving. In fact, I was barely surviving. Normal, mundane tasks were monumental feats that I had to prepare for mentally. Things like family gatherings and attending church only served to trigger my anxiety and I was usually tense in any social setting.

I remember being approached by a woman at our church in Montreal who asked me if I wanted to attend a weekday women’s Bible study now that I was on maternity leave.

My son was about three months old at the time, so according to the baby textbooks:

Baby should be on a well-established routine, but still sleep relatively easily in a carseat or carrier. This makes it easy, and almost fun, to tote baby around for errands and social gatherings!

Well if this were true of me and my baby, I would surely have delighted in the opportunity of attending a women’s Bible study. I freakin’ love women. I freakin’ love the Bible. I freakin’ love to study! You get the picture… literally my favourite things. It was a recipe for success!

Instead, I burst out crying in the middle of the foyer and had to excuse myself. But not before blubbering out, “Perhaps some other time.”

Even three months later, my postpartum anxiety and depression were as real as ever. The thought of getting myself out of the house on a regular basis for a specific time each week sent me spiralling. I was just so overwhelmed.

At 8 months postpartum and in the middle of summer, I finally began to feel like myself.

Crawling out of the pit

When my son was about six months old, he was no longer interested in nursing and began to wean himself. It took about four months before nursing him was no longer painful, so it was a little disappointing that our journey together was ending when we were just getting the hang of it.

He also started sleeping through the night at six months old which was a huge game changer for my mental state.

Postpartum depression vs. Sleep deprivation

First moments as a mom of two babies.
Beyond exhausted, but not nearly as lost as the first time around.

When our eldest was 18 months old, we welcomed a second son into our family. This little one was born at the end of June which is worth noting as the time of year with the most daylight hours. Trust me, we definitely planned and prayed for that.

It’s hard to believe, but our second son was an even worse sleeper than our first. Although, he thankfully had no issues with nursing, he had absolutely no interest in sleeping.

Looking back, I can attest to the fact that sleep deprivation is just not the same as postpartum blues or depression. Although my mind does go to dark places when I’m sleep deprived for long periods of time, the experience is vastly different.

With my second son, I was beyond exhausted, but still functional. Chasing an 18 month old while caring for a newborn was a pretty hard, I won’t lie. But I did it. And I could still go out and make plans and do life. I was just a dead tired while doing it. For example, when our second was 7 weeks old, I stood as maid of honour at my best friend’s wedding. And not to brag, but it went pretty damn well. Exhausting, but still amazing.

Nothing compares to the dark, overwhelmed feeling I had the first time around. When I didn’t recognize myself. When months went by before I wanted to be around my baby. When I couldn’t carry on a conversation without unravelling in tears.

I wish I knew it was ok to get help.

Third Time’s a Charm

When our third baby was born nearly three years ago, I’m relieved to say that I didn’t struggle with any of the same postpartum issues I had previously faced. Though healing from a C-section brought its own challenges, the pure joy of motherhood that I longed for in those early days, yet always eluded me, was finalized realized in my daughter. It was redemptive. And I’m really grateful.

Going from 2 to 3 had its own challenges with a C-section thrown into the mix.
Still, nothing as dark as my first postpartum experience. Thank you, Jesus.

So I dedicate this post to all new mamas, moms-to-be, those considering motherhood…. please, PLEASE reach out to someone if you’re struggling in postpartum. It can hit any one of us. And not even with just your first! I think we’re past the stigma of seeing a shrink, or going on medication, or crying in public. So please just do the thing and get the help! I wish someone told me that. But I just didn’t know. And I didn’t know what I didn’t know.

If you’re still here and I haven’t scared you off, tell me, does this resonate with you? If you’re a mother, would you care to share about your own postpartum experience? I’d love to hear from you!

As always, thanks for reading along!

Avgolemono

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In January, my little blog on this corner of internet will be celebrating its first anniversary since launch!

As I’ve been reflecting on this milestone, it occurred to me that after nearly an entire year of writing, I haven’t written about food even once. In fact, the one time I did blog about food, I wrote about NOT eating it! I mean, for crying out loud…!
If you’re curious, it was a post on intermittent fasting which you can check out here.

Perhaps this holds little significance to you, but you see, I’m actually obsessed with food and I just don’t know how I went this long without sharing my sweet, sweet love with the world.

So since the holiday season of coziness is upon us, it felt like the right time to share my most favourite soup recipe in the world. And probably in my top 3 of favourite recipes ever.

The makings of the soup of the gods

If chocolate is a pair of stilettos, soup is a warm and cozy blanket, and this fall season sure is craving exactly that.

My middle was especially keen to help when I told him I was preparing our favourite soup.

Confession:

I should probably mention that although I love food, I’m not a great cook. I’m not creative in the kitchen, and I don’t love the process of putting a meal together.

If you want to eat a high-quality meal with all the best ingredients and pairings, talk to my husband. The dishes he puts together for our date nights rival just about anything I’ve enjoyed at a fancy eatery. You can drool over some of our favourite meals and date night tips here!

The beginning of chicken broth

In case you’ve lost all confidence in my culinary skills, be comforted to know that this soup is my grand exception.

Broth separated from chicken and veggies

Just over five years ago, my husband and I moved our family a 10+ hour drive away from Montreal. Among other losses, this also meant giving up all our favourite homemade Greek meals that my mother and grandmothers regularly prepared for us. Well, let me tell you, I didn’t miss any of their meals as much as I missed this soup!

Chicken pieces separated from bone, fat, and skin

When we moved into our new place at the beginning of September that year, all the fall feels were screaming for a cozy cup of soup to help make our house feel like home. I did my best to duplicate the recipe, and the first few attempts were crap, to put it mildly.

A few years and many revisions later, I am so proud to say that my version is sooooooo delicious. I personally think it’s better than my grandmother’s (don’t tell her!), whose soup I would have ranked in first place back then. Sorry, γιαγιά…

Two of the three ingredients to make the frothy-creamy broth
(the third is the chicken broth itself!)

In Greek, the name of this chicken noodle soup is literally translated as egg lemon.

avgo = egg
lemoni = lemon

Avgolemono…. Greek lemon chicken soup!

This couscous noodle is my favourite and most traditional noodle choice for this soup.
For those local to me, I’ve only found it at Food Basics in the pasta aisle.
You can also use rice to make it gluten-free.

The Egg

The addition of the egg is what makes this chicken noodle soup so unique. The creamy and frothy texture is achieved while still keeping the dish dairy-free! There’s no milk, heavy cream, or butter, but you’ll find the thick and creamy consistency to still be amazing!

The Lemon

Ok but what would a Greek recipe be without lemon? Bland and tasteless, that’s what! Lemon, garlic, and oregano are the staples of any Greek dish and this soup is no exception. Except in this case, hold the garlic and oregano, and add lots and lots of lemon!

My sweet little helpers. Lemon-squeezing is hard work!

Nostalgic Vibes and Feels…

Besides the colder weather begging for a bowl of yummy soup, the fast approaching Christmas season is making me more nostalgic than ever, and only adding to my strong desire for this type of comfort food meal.

Since Covid restrictions are keeping us from visiting family for the holidays, I’ve been especially drawn to familiar things that remind of me of loved ones in Montreal. And this soup sure is on the top of that list.

When I make it, the taste and smells transport me instantly to the kitchens of my mother and grandmothers where they lovingly prepared this soup throughout my life. May it bring you the same comfort that it has always brought me!

Alright, I’ll spare you any further nostalgic musings and get right down to the recipe. Here you go and you’re welcome!

Blender contains broth, eggs, and lemon juice

Avgolemono (Greek Chicken Soup)

Ingredients

7L water
4 carrots
4 celery stocks
1 medium onion
4 tbsp powdered chicken stock
4 tbsp olive oil (optional)
3 tsp salt
6 chicken drumsticks or 4 bone-in chicken thighs
1 carton (1L) Chicken broth
1.5 cups couscous noodles
3 eggs
3 lemons

Instructions

  • Add water in large pot with carrots, celery, onion, chicken stock, olive oil, salt. Bring to a boil.
    (Keep the veggies relatively whole. You’ll be removing them later so the bigger they are, the easier it is.)
  • Add chicken.
  • Bring to a boil and then turn down to medium-high heat until chicken is cooked through and veggies are soft.
    (This is the flavour base of your soup so feel free to let it go for a good long while. I lower heat to low and allow it to simmer for a couple of hours)
  • Remove all veggies and chicken.
  • Add half of the carton of broth and bring to a boil.
    (You can also add more boiled water if you feel broth needs a little top up)
  • Add the couscous noodles until cooked.**
  • Wait until chicken cools a little, then remove bone and fat. Cut chicken into bite sizes.
  • Once noodled are cooked, pour remaining half of chicken broth carton into a blender.
  • Add eggs and lemon juice and blend together until foamy and frothy (a few seconds). Pour into pot.
  • Add chicken pieces back into the pot and serve.
  • Add salt and pepper or additional lemon juice to taste.
Broth before and after the addition of the egg and lemon mixture

*Note: I make this in shifts. I’ll boil everything first thing in the morning to allow the broth to simmer for a good, long while. I often enjoy the boiled veggies with my lunch since I have no other plans for them in the soup itself.
*These quantities feed my family of five with plenty left for second helpings and subsequent days of leftovers. Feel free to adjust your quantities. Also, I eyeball a lot, so usually end up making it a little differently each time. Still, I do think these quantities are pretty consistent.
**The couscous noodles can be substituted by rice, or other gluten free options to make it gluten-free.

Enjoy!

A delicious cold weather pick-me-up!

If you try this recipe, PLEASE tell me!
And if you include any variations that you’re happy with, I would love to know to try them myself!

καλή όρεξη (bon apetit!)

Making it Rain

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In the recent years, my husband and I got a handle on our finances and it has been SO. FLIPPIN. FREEING!!!!

We didn’t start new jobs or get promotions, we didn’t downsize our home, we didn’t sell a vehicle, we didn’t do anything particularly drastic or noteworthy.

Our approach to money simply changed.

I know many of my readers have loads more life experience and money experience than I. But some of you don’t! So this one’s for you (but also me, because sometimes I have the memory of goldfish).

And although you could get a plethora of wiser financial advice out there from the actual experts, I’m excited to share the little changes that have made a big difference.

Just another basic Tina makin’ it rain

When It Doesn’t Add Up

Before I get into the good, the bad, and the ugly, I can’t talk about money without talking about the Divine. Although most of this post has to do with our own efforts in getting a grip on money and spending, it has ONLY been by God’s grace that we are in the position we’re in.

When we left Montreal just over five years ago, I also left a teaching career. It’s no secret that teachers don’t make great money, but it’s still a liveable salary. And for our family of four, we certainly depended on it.

Well by faith, we gave that up. And since then I’ve learned two things about God and money:

  1. God is sovereign
    God is in control of my life. That includes my money and my struggles with money. Somehow, in ways that cannot be explained by my finite brain and limited vocabulary, we always have enough. Always. It just doesn’t add up. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that we’re swimming in pools of dollar bills. We hardly ever have as much I wish we’d have. But our needs have always been met. Always.

    In God’s economy, the more we’ve given away, the more we’ve been blessed with in return. Every time. We tithe regularly, but still find other opportunities to give on a more sporadic basis and sometimes it’s a real sacrifice to do so. Whenever that happens, we receive anonymous gifts, unexpected government cheques, lower utility bills than budgeted for, etc. God is sovereign. And somehow, He always works it out when we trust Him with it.
  2. God expects good stewardship
    Just because we have all we need, doesn’t mean we get to live foolishly. Whatever has been entrusted to us should be stewarded wisely. The term steward literally means to be responsible for the care of something that doesn’t belong to you. I believe that whatever I have, actually belongs to God and that I’m simply given responsibility to care for it. Therefore, my money isn’t actually mine to spend how I wish.

    To be clear, it’s not that I believe God will smite me if I buy one (or three) too many Starbucks coffees this week. But that we have the freedom to do with our money what we wish, and still we choose to honour God with it. Just because God has been faithful to always provide for us in the past, doesn’t give us free rein to spend frivolously and say, “God will provide for my needs, even though I’ve spent all my money on my wants.”

That said, the bulk of this post will tackle the good stewardship I’m still learning and hope my own journey will be a blessing to you too.

Debt Consolidation

If you’ve been adulting for more than a hot minute, you know that debt consolidation is probably the most obvious place to start with money management.

Disclaimer: This also happens to be the least sexy part of any money talk. So let’s just get it over with.

The word debt in itself, for lack of a better term, is so bluuuhhhhhhh, in my humble opinion. It can be the source of so much stress and strife. Which is why managing it in a way that works for you is the logical first step.

The hard thing about debt is that it’s spending today’s money on the past.

It feels like such a waste! When a pay check comes in, I want the freedom to use that money for expenses, of course, but also to plan for the future! Things like saving for a vacation, home renovations and upgrades, and lots of other boring fun adult things!

But it can feel crippling to see much of the money coming in, go right back out to pay off things you’ve…

  • already purchased
  • already completed
  • already visited
  • already studied
  • already lived in
  • already drove
  • already ate
  • already done and over with!

Just already ready to move on… So the sooner we can sort out a way to manage, and ultimately, clear that debt, the better off we’ll be. This is what I tell myself!

A few years ago we combined the various loans we were paying off into one low-interest loan. This was a huge weight off of our shoulders and alleviated much of the stress of paying off debt. We were able to see light at the end of that tunnel. Rather than a long, dark tunnel of built up interest. Another non-sexy word.

Pretty piggybanks distract from the horror that is debt. But like, barely.

Track Your Spending

Before you can put a budget together that best reflects your income and expenses, it helps to know how much money actually goes towards each of your various expenses.

For example, I assumed that way more of our money went to groceries than it actually did before we consistently tracked our spending. Since I’d often add housewares, clothes, and other items to a grocery bill, I didn’t really have any idea how much we actually spent on just food each month!

The wonderful world of spreadsheets

I am not a numbers person by any stretch of the imagination. Balancing a budget does not come naturally to me. Thankfully, my husband can throw together a pretty impressive spreadsheet. To me, it looks like wizardry, but it’s actually quite simple.

Our fixed expenses have been set up for automatic withdrawal such as our mortgage, hydro, insurance, etc.

Side note: If you’re not already, I do recommend this if you have a fixed and predictable income.

But other monthly expenses without a fixed rate fall under the following categories:

  • Groceries
    Food and just food
  • Discretionary
    Eating out, gifts, makeup, clothes, toys, activities, decor, etc.
    This also includes any items we want but don’t necessarily need
  • Household
    Laundry detergent, toiletries, cleaning products, etc,
  • Gasoline
    Yep, just gas

My favourite thing about tracking our spending is that it’s eliminated the element of surprise. I remember hoping we’d have enough money at our disposal by next pay, and that was stressful and dumb. Now, no more!

Make a Budget and Stick to It

If I had a nickel for every time I heard that line…

I just wish it didn’t take me so long to actually do it!

So once you’ve got an idea of WHERE your money is going, you are now better informed for making a budget that will actually work for you, rather than make you feel chained to something that doesn’t reflect your spending and lifestyle.

Personally, there were areas in our life of spending where purchases were made too frivolously or carelessly. As a result, we didn’t always have the money to spend on things we actually wanted more than some arbitrary impulsive item!

So as a result of sticking to our budget, we’ve found real freedom in being more mindful of our purchases because it’s actually freed up money that would otherwise be wasted needlessly.

Do I need it, or do I want it?

Those who buy what they do not need steal form themselves.

– Swedish Proverb

Another super easy way to manage spending! I credit my husband for this one as he started asking himself this question when he’d be out shopping and realized how little he actually needed.

In the moment, holding an item you really want can feel so much like a really NEEEEEEEED item! But putting it down, walking away, and getting back to the rest of your real life has a way of putting it all into perspective. Sure, there’s moments when I still think about certain items. I’ll mull it over, look at our budget, and if I decide I still want it, AND it fits within our spending goals, then I’ll buy it.

Immediate gratification is a hard thing to unlearn, but it’s not impossible. I am a testament to that! Not perfect, still a work in progress, but not impossible.

Culture of Consumption

That brings me to my next point: the consumption culture in which we live.

You don’t have to look hard to find ads that tell you you’re worth it or just do it. The inclination to gratify and satisfy our desires does not have to be learnt. Pair that with products that are no longer made to last, and you’ve got yourself a revolving door for every shiny, new gadget that money can buy. And if you haven’t got the money – then credit. Credit could buy it.

I honestly never thought we’d get a handle on our finances. So much of my spending habits became exactly what habits often are: second nature, impulsive, and just not well thought through.

But like all other habits, this too can be broken.

It’s been downright liberating to step back and realize how easily we can get by without. Just without. Without the newest, biggest, fanciest, latest, greatest anything!

And lastly….

Anyone else’s kids have more disposable income in their piggybanks than you’ve seen since you had your own piggybank? Just me? Cool.

Inexpensive Alternatives

I still like having pretty clothes and a tastefully decorated home.

I know both are subjective. So if you think I get dressed in my sleep or have my toddler decorate our home, then you probably won’t love the tips that follow.

Here’s how I get the most out of our budget:

  • Avoid shopping at the most expensive grocery stores
    I do about 80% of our grocery shopping at Food Basics. It’s not the cheapest but it’s definitely not the most expensive. I couldn’t believe how much it lowered our grocery bill when I began to shop there regularly. So for generic products like cereal, yogurt, canned goods, and frozen pizza, it doesn’t really make a difference in quality, but it certainly makes a difference in cost.

    Some of our favourite items can be found at Superstore, but I find them significantly more expensive so I tend to avoid doing a whole grocery haul there if I can help it.

    Fruit stands are my go-to for fresh and cheap produce during spring, summer, and autumn seasons. You can read about my favourites here!
  • Shop Secondhand FIRST
    Every season, the kids need new clothes. It’s just the reality of growing weeds. In anticipation of the change of seasons, I like to check out a nearby consignment store called Once Upon a Child, as well as our local Value Village, and Facebook Marketplace for some quality pieces.
    If you haven’t shopped secondhand, you don’t even know the thrill of finding gems for dirt cheap. I highly recommend it!
  • Shop the Sales Rack SECOND
    Whether in-store or online, sales sections are goldmines for liquidated items. If I don’t find what I’m looking for at my go-to secondhand stops, the sales section is my next stop in helping my dollar go a long way. For some of my favourite shops and other fashion musings, check out this post!
  • Shop Out-of-Season ALWAYS
    Another thrill-seeker’s satisfying discovery: out-of-season items are also significantly reduced. Kids need swimsuits next year? Buy them in the fall. New winter boots? Pick them up in the spring. These items are brand new but so cheap because the demand for them is next to nada when out of season!
This top was $1.97 brand new and I’ll probably brag about that score until the day I breathe my last.
Cheers to the thrill of saving a buck.

Save Save Save

Do not save what is left after spending, but spend what is left after saving.

– Warren Buffett

Part of our monthly budget accounts for our tithe (church and charitable donations), and savings.

For savings, we decided on a fixed amount per month and transfer that amount to a separate account right on payday. If there’s an emergency that requires the use of that money, we know it’s right there and available.

However, if we waited until there was enough money to save, we’d never save any of it. There’s always something else to buy, or do, and never enough money for all of it. So by limiting ourselves to what we’ve set for spending ahead of time, we never have to hope that there will be some money left to save.

Bite-Size Savings

Something new we tried in the last year, was to put aside a small amount of money each week out of our discretionary spending for a specific purchase. In this case, for our family vacation! We didn’t really feel the pinch of that bite-sized savings. But we were really glad to pay off our family vacation without dipping into our main savings or charging it to credit. This has probably been the most satisfying financial thing we’ve ever done. It felt like we went away for free!

Final thoughts…

I am no financial guru. Big surprise. However, I can attest to the happy irony that more restrictions on spending, actually result in more financial freedom. It doesn’t make sense, but it works.

I’ve still got a long way to go and lots to learn. Do you have any special tips or suggestions in making money work for you? Let me know in the comments!

Earning Their Keep!

Published on by tinavila2010 Comments

Alt. title: Lazy Mom’s Guide to Avoiding Housework

If you’ve read any of my posts, and thought to yourself, “dang, that girl’s got her life together!”, you would be very, very wrong. Sure, I do plenty of things to make my life easier but that doesn’t mean they’re always the best things, the right things, or for the right reasons.

This post should help make that point.

They are fully responsible for table setting!

I am a FIRM believer in kids doing chores and here’s why:

  • Chores teach responsibility
  • Chores foster a sense of community
  • Chores help to avoid carelessness in daily habit-forming
  • Sharing chores gives mom a break!
  • I just can’t do it all

Here’s what I mean…

Chores Teach Responsibility

I think it would be pretty overwhelming to take on, for the first time ever, the daily task of caring for oneself all at once as an adult. It’s actually a priceless gift you can give your child when you give them more responsibility around your home little by little. This way, by the time they’re grown and independent, they will actually be independent!
[I’m no model parent when it comes to this part, but] giving them grace to make mistakes and try again is part of that learning process. When they succeed in little things, children become more confident in taking on bigger challenges as they grow and develop.

Chores foster as sense of community

Although there is a hierarchy in the home, because we do not operate as a democracy, we are still a part of a community. The family unit is the first community your child will be a part of. I don’t know about you, but it embarrasses me to imagine a scenario where my children are the selfish, self-centered slackers in their own future communities.
Helping them recognize that we all contribute to the harmony and wellbeing of our community from a young age will only help them carry that perspective into adulthood and into their future communities.

Not a chore, but older siblings helping with younger ones is expected

Chores help to avoid carelessness in daily habit-forming

This may sound like a mouthful, so here’s an example to clarify what I mean:
My boys work together to prepare their own breakfast each morning. I am rarely out of bed in time to do this for them or even supervisor the undertaking. When this first begun just over a year ago, a huge mess of milk, cereal, fruit, and utensils was left behind as evidence of their independence. Initially, I swooped in to clean up after the fact, but I quickly felt like this whole process defeated the purpose of “getting their own breakfast”!
Since they were not expected to clean up after themselves, they were careless in breakfast-making and defaulted to sloppy and wasteful habits. Now, that’s not to say that they don’t leave some mess, or that I expect a spotless kitchen when they’re done, or that I won’t tidy up after them either way. But the huge, careless messes they initially left went extinct quite quickly when they were suddenly responsible for some of the clean up too.

Sharing chores gives mom a break!

My friends, this category and the next are what I mean by not actually having my life together. I may be strict with my kids and have lots of rules, but the truth is that I’m not servant-hearted by nature. Serving my children and doing everything for them out of the kindness and love that pours out of my heart is just not me. Being a homemaker and and housewife doesn’t fulfill every fibre of my being, despite the fact that that’s been my daily reality for nearly eight years now.
To avoid growing resentful or burning out, I ask that my family share the load. And although the positive lessons I mentioned earlier are a big win in raising responsible, well-rounded adults, this, dear reader, is the real motivation behind the chores:

I. Simply. Don’t. Want. To. Do. It. All… I don’t!

I Can’t Actually Do It All

I’d like to think that I could take on more if I wasn’t also working from home part-time, but with things like maternity leave and vacation time, that’s proven to be a myth.
Despite being a pretty organized person, I also have relatively high standards for cleanliness, so it’s hard for me to juggle everything in my life when the load of housekeeping falls exclusively on my shoulders. I wish I was more resourceful and self-sufficient, but I know my limits, both physically and mentally, and I’m trying to get better at balancing out the structure of my day.
I also wish messes didn’t bother me as much as they do, but they do. So having my kids involved in maintaining some sense of order in our home has helped us all live in some version of harmony.

As you can see, cleaning up is so fun!

So if you’re wondering which chores are reasonable for your child to do and what that looks like, read on to see what’s worked for us.

Toddlers

  • Pick up toys
  • Put away toys

Even as young as 18 months, toddlers understand so much and are still young enough to think that “clean up” is a game. I wouldn’t categorize their contributions as “chores” necessarily, but more the development of a habit.
Toddlers can pick up items and put them easily in bins and boxes. So before bedtime (and sometimes before nap time, if the toys are scattered beyond what Mama can tolerate), we play a quick game of pick-up-the-toys, which has become a regular part of our routine.

Preschoolers

  • Clean up and tidy up bedroom
  • Clean up and tidy up play areas

For me, this age range is approximately 3-4 years old. At this age, our children are responsible for their bedrooms and playroom! Although I will step in when we want to rearrange or deep clean, the vast majority of clean up and tidying up falls on their shoulders. It’s never perfect, and often takes forever, but the bigger picture is about habit-forming and routine, rather than a perfectly neat space.

Early School Age

  • Set and clear the table
  • Laundry
  • Lawn care (shadowing mowing and maintenance)
  • Dusting

I’m looking at ages 5-8 in this category. Again, this is my own take on things, but I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the abilities I’ve seen develop in my own children since they started school (we’re now in our 5th school year, and they are in 1st and 3rd grade).
My two eldest are still relatively keen to contribute to house responsibilities, especially if the task makes them feel particularly grown up (chop veggies for dinner, prepare lunches for school, help mow the lawn, etc.). Although my eldest is starting to push back on some chores like laundry (he’s responsible for collecting everyone’s laundry and starting the machine), incentives like junky treats and screen time go a long way in getting his butt in gear, and there’s no shame in the bribing game.

Later School Age

  • Mowing lawn
  • School lunches
  • Preparing parts of a family meal
  • Vacuuming

This is uncharted territory for me, which is why I won’t speak into it much, so please keep that in mind as you read on. This category looks like preteen ages of 9-12 years old. From what I can already tell in my own kids, things like mowing the lawn and taking on school lunch-making exclusively would be high on the list of chores/responsibilities since they’re already being groomed for these tasks as I write this.
Beyond that, I’d say as teens (13-18 years old), my own kids will be responsible for bathroom cleaning and other things like that, but definitely don’t want to speak into that any further. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there. (Just pulling from my own life experience at that age!)

After 6 long months, the fort’s been disassembled. Clean up is a group effort!

The early you start, the easier it is…

I’m a big believer in habit-forming.

Just like we don’t wait for children to be able to speak before we start speaking to them, I don’t wait until my children display a desire to help out around the house before I give them chores to do.

They learn as they go that being responsible for household chores is just part of our family dynamic. Since this has always been a part of their daily lives, they don’t push back too much. It’s all they know!

To pay or not to pay…

Should I be paying my kids for doing chores? Doesn’t that go against fostering a sense of community?

To put it as eloquently as I possibly can:

Meh..
Do what you gotta do.

My rule of thumb is this:

If it’s a big job, then they’ve earned a few bucks. Little tasks, like maintaining a clean room or clearing the table after dinner, are just part of a regular family life routine. Still, at the end of the day, do what works for you! Cash doesn’t have to be the incentive. Like I’ve mentioned already, screen time and junky treats have been working great as incentives in our house so far too.

My husband also set up an incentive chart where an accumulation of points earns the kids a few hockey cards. I mean, we’d buy them anyway. But this way they’ve earned them themselves and that gives them a big sense of accomplishment, ownership, and value of their hard-earned prize.

Think of something that will get your kids willing to help out around the house, that doesn’t also have you nagging them ceaselessly, and you’re both winning!

When they’re still at the age when chores are fun, feel free to exploit that!

And in the end…

Please understand that the main reason my kids do regular chores is to keep my own sanity. The happy byproduct of their development is a bonus! So if you try it out and find it’s causing you more grief than before, don’t even bother! So much of motherhood is just survival. And for me, that looks like sharing the load of housework!

Bonus Tips

Race against the clock…….. Sometimes all we need is a 10 second timer to clean up as many books, toys, games, clothes etc. as we can in that timeframe. The thrill of the race gets us all moving pretty quick!

Race against each other…. When my boys are dragging their feet or complaining about a chore they don’t feel like doing, I make them race each other. Sometimes for a junky treat prize, sometimes for a high five, just depends. I know it doesn’t sound like the best parenting approach but I’ll go to extreme lengths to avoid doing a chore I’ve pawned off on my children, don’t @ me.

Race against Mum…………… Same idea here. But here’s an example: if I’m cleaning the kitchen and have asked my boys to do something they don’t feel like doing, or are taking a long time to get done, I bribe them with a treat if they can complete their task before I complete mine. In case it isn’t obvious, yes, I’m into bribing.

I’m very curious, do your kids do chores?? What does that look like for your family?
Please let me know your thoughts in the comments below or send me a message! I love to hear from you!

Love, Corinthians, and being a Three

Published on by tinavila202 Comments

“We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another”

– Jonathan Swift

If that isn’t a punch to the gut, I don’t know what is.

Well before we carry on…

If “being a 3” means nothing to you, I encourage you to do a quick Google search of the Enneagram and you’ll soon find yourself immersed in the world of Personality Types!

The thing about the Enneagram is that it doesn’t describe how someone might behave, but it explains the why attached to behaviour. Or the motive, if you will.

Enneagram 3s are known to be… performers, achievers, ambitious check-list-tickers and goal-setters. They look for validation through what they can achieve and contribute, rather than just who they are. In an unhealthy state, the characteristics I mentioned can be damaging to the relationships in their lives since the drive for success can sometimes eclipse everything else.

Onward to Corinth

With this in mind, and through the lens of a 3, I invite you to journey with me to first century Corinth, in Greece. There, we’ll find a group of believers who were highly motivated for success and driven to be their best as individuals… to the detriment of their community and the relationships in their lives.

Well to our own detriment, I believe we’ve overly simplified the “Love Chapter” of I Corinthians, and stripped it down to a lovely poem recited at a wedding ceremony, where guests wait absently for cocktails to kick off at the reception.

As a result, this passage is so often taken out of context. So we fail to see how the broader issues at play – as well as how Paul responds to them – can actually speak into our lives. You can read the whole of I Corinthians 13 here.

I’ve taken to writing this reminder on my wrist for the especially chaotic days

On a personal level, digging into I Corinthians 13 has helped me address the why behind my actions and what needs to change.

The main thing we gloss over is the fact that this church struggled to put their own ambitions, desires, and preferences aside, in order to prioritize fulfilling the literal command to love one another FIRST.

Besides the moral failings Paul mentions, the Corinthian church was just plain petty! And maybe even a little narcissistic.

Here are some of their issues and Paul’s inspired words in response:

  • They were abusing their spiritual gifts for their own selfish purposes

If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 
If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing.

– I Corinthians 13:1-2
  • They were envious of each other’s gifts

Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way.

– I Corinthians 13:4-5
  • They were impatient with each other, even in public meetings

Love is patient and kind. It is not irritable. Love endures in every circumstance.

I Corinthians 13: 4-5, 7
  • They were selfish to the point of filing lawsuits against one another… umm, what?!

Love keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, love is always hopeful.

– I Corinthians 13: 5- 7

As I go through this list, I can’t help but think of how complicated and strained their relationships must have become that they were actually filing lawsuits against their fellow believers.

Well lawsuit drama aside, I’m just going to put this out there: I really feel for the Corinthians! And dare I go so far as to say that I can relate to them personally. I see myself in them and I just feel like I really get them.

Honestly, it sounds like a lot of them were 3s! As we’ve already established, 3s are:

  • ambitious
  • competitive
  • high-achieving
  • successful
  • image-conscious
  • vain
  • trying to keep up the image of success
  • goal-oriented

Please understand me, I am not defending these characteristics as entirely positive or healthy. Yes, some are great! And they should be valued and sought after by all personality types, not just by 3s.

But others have the potential to become so negative and unhealthy, that they can be detrimental to one’s spiritual growth, wisdom, and maturity; not to mention negatively impacting one’s interpersonal relationships.

Enneagram 3s can be so focused on their own success and goal-achievement, that their relationships can really suffer. And I’d make the case that this is what was happening in the Corinthian church.

Earlier in the letter, Paul tells the church that knowledge puffs up, but wisdom builds up. Builds up what, or who? Builds up others! Any knowledge or wisdom we gain in this life should be used to bless, encourage, edify, and build up those around us. Because what good is godly wisdom if it doesn’t benefit the body of believers and beyond?

Knowledge puffs up, but wisdom builds up.

– I Corinthians 8:1

You see, spiritual gifts, talents, skills – or whatever you want to call the amazing and unique abilities God offers each of us – are not just useless, but can actually be destructive without love for others as the driving force behind them.

The Corinthians had an excessively imbalanced emphasis placed on spiritual gifts to the detriment of love for each other, for the world, and for even Jesus Himself.

And it cost them. But not in the ways God warns that our faith would cost us.

What their misplaced priorities cost them was their relationships with one another, as well as their witness in the larger community.

Since the Corinthian church had such an unhealthy desire for spiritual gifts – to the point of near-obsession – the desire to speak in tongues, to prophesy, etc., literally took over their ability to see their world through the eyes of God’s love.

They cared more about how deeply spiritual they appeared to be by manifesting the gifts of the Spirit, rather than focusing on the self-sacrificing love that’s actually required in order to be set apart in a world of self-ambition, selfishness, and self-seeking success.

Paul was painting a picture for the Corinthian believers of what their life of faith should really look like…

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

I Corinthians 13: 7-8

With all the problems the Corinthians were facing, love was truly the answer. Love was truly all they needed.
Love was, and still is, the key ingredient and activating agent in the formula of effective Christian living.

A quick peak into the first verse of the next chapter, I Corinthians 14:1, encourages us to follow the way of love… and EAGERLY desire gifts of the Spirit.

Other translations use language like:

  • Earnestly desire (ESV)
  • It is good that you are enthusiastic and passionate (TPT)
  • Earnestly desire and cultivate the spiritual gifts (AMP)
  • You should also want the gifts the Holy Spirit gives (NIRV)

So as a 3, this is a relief to me. I don’t have to give up who I am, what I love to do, or what motivates me in striving for success in spirituality or otherwise.

However… it’s so important to remember that the priority is still to love first. Pouring yourself into loving others well doesn’t negate your own goals or success.
Rather, it enhances whatever you’re already doing, and helps keep you from becoming an irrelevant voice in a world competing to be the loudest noise.

Anyone else keep important reminders on bathroom mirrors?!

This is especially pointed at me, as I can easily get lost in my world of study, writing, and learning, and forget to love those around me, namely: my own children.

Don’t worry, I’m fully aware of how awful that sounds.

And it’s not that I’m being neglectful or disengaged, but like the Corinthians, my personal ambitions can take priority and sway me off track of what’s most important: love. Love my husband, love my kids, love my family, love my community, love my enemies.

Otherwise, whatever I write on here is just the noise of a resounding gong or clanging cymbal. And that is more mortifying to me than failing to accomplish any arbitrary personal goal in the first place.

Does this resonate with anyone else? Please tell me I’m not the only one.
If you have any thoughts or comments on this, I’d love to hear them! Send me a message or comment below!

The Ones Before the Rainbows

Published on by tinavila207 Comments

Welcome to Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.
The time of year when we remember the lives of babies gone too soon.

A photo of a double rainbow above our home.
Snapped a few weeks before discovering I was pregnant with our second rainbow baby

The title of this post is in reference to the term rainbow baby, and in case you don’t know…

A rainbow baby is the healthy baby born after the loss of another due to miscarriage, stillbirth, or other natural causes.

The implication is that the healthy baby that is born is a bright rainbow following the painful storm of loss that the mother has previously lived through.

So in honour of this special awareness month and my own beloved losses, I’ll be sharing parts of my journey, as well as recommendations on how to tread around the topics of fertility, family planning, and loss.

Only by God’s grace have I carried three babies to term, birthed them with only minimal complications, and have had the privilege of watching them grow and thrive. You can read about my 3 babies here. But this motherhood journey has brought some hard lows as well.

My Seasons of Loss

It was in January of 2012 that I took my first ever pregnancy test. I was late, which is usually what prompts the taking of such tests, and was very surprised to find a second line appear on that stick.

The weeks that followed have since become a blur to me. I do remember floating through my daily routine a little out of touch with reality because of the sheer joy of expecting a baby.

Unfortunately within a few weeks, I had some spotting, and then quite quickly lost the baby. It all happened so fast. I was shocked and disillusioned and felt lost.

I took a few days off of work because the thought of pulling myself together to teach teenagers the fundamentals of a properly structured research paper had me bursting into tears. I remember sitting in our apartment on the fourth floor (no elevator!) buried in as many blankets as I could find, and watching Friends reruns with my eyes barely open from tears and exhaustion. I wasn’t even pregnant long enough for anyone to know – including my own body! But loss is loss. And sometimes your soul feels it more than any other part of you.

I wasn’t even pregnant long enough for anyone to know – including my own body! But loss is loss. And sometimes your soul feels it more than any other part of you.

Shortly after that loss, I was blessed with a second pregnancy which I carried to term. Yay! When I was about six months pregnant, the due date of my first pregnancy came and went. It was so very gracious of God to allow me the gift of a full womb as I mourned the loss of an empty one so recently.

My firstborn son was born on New Year’s Eve, just weeks before the one year anniversary of my miscarriage. Making it a very happy new year indeed.

My firstborn son. My first rainbow baby.

Another season, another loss

Fast forward a few years, and I was now a mama to two boys who are 18 months apart. Shortly after my second son turned one, the desire grew in me to try for another baby again, and hopefully complete our little family with a third child.

Well a couple more years went by after that, and month after month of regular monthly cycles raged on. When you’re longing for a baby, being greeted monthly by your period is more devastating than the usual monthly cycle symptoms us women are already accustomed to managing.

I shared some of this in another post about the backstory of my tattoo, which you can read here. But the gist of it is this:

In October 2016, I received what I personally considered to be the opportunity of a lifetime. I was asked to speak at an annual women’s retreat that my former church was putting on. In attendance would be approximately 150 women, and I had the privilege of teaching from the scriptures, as well as weaving my own story throughout my talk.

I spent six months praying and preparing; researching and writing. It was life-giving. If you know me personally, you know how much I love this kind of work.

Flat lay of all my essentials for the women’s retreat I was speaking at in 2017

During those six months of behind the scenes prep, I had a late period and discovered I was expecting! It was a very, very happy day because, like I said, I was waiting and praying and hoping for another baby for about two years already.

Then, just ten days before I was scheduled to hop on a train for the eight hour ride east, I started spotting and cramping…

It was on the occasion of my husband’s birthday that I paid a visit to the emergency room, desperate for some hopeful news. I spent hours and hours there, just waiting. I was finally seen, and thankfully had an ultrasound that very day. A heartbeat was detected, but there was some concern about the baby’s placement. The technician and doctor were not overly alarmed so my mind was set at ease ever so slightly.

Spotting throughout pregnancy is normal and fairly common, right?

What was agonizing for me leading up to this big speaking engagement, was the lack of answers. I remember wishing I could just know either way.

Am I losing this baby? Will everything be fine? I was ten days away from departure and they just couldn’t tell me a thing. The most they could do was give me a follow up appointment and ultrasound.

Both were scheduled for literally the day after I was to get back from my weekend away.

It all just felt like the worst timing ever. I couldn’t understand how this could all be happening at once. I remember thinking:

If this could’ve just been the disappointment of another monthly cycle like I’d been getting for the past two years…. well I could deal with that! I could cope with that! I know how to do that, and manage that!

But that’s just not how it unfolded…

Day 1 of the weekend retreat at which I was speaking

I spent the eight hour train ride mostly in tears. While I had originally planned to go over my notes and rehearse my talk inaudibly on the train, I couldn’t bring myself to pull out a single sheet of paper.

Everything I spent the last six month preparing felt like chalk in my mouth.

Of course by the time I arrived, I pulled it together and went over everything I worked so hard to prepare. And the Lord reminded me that He is still good, even in unknown circumstances.

I leaned into Jesus that weekend and was given the strength and courage to share openly from the heart. It was still really difficult, and I still spent the whole weekend bleeding and cramping and crying. But I did it.

Time to face the music

It was really comforting to have so many women pray over me that weekend – for strength and courage, but also for healing and restoration for my baby. Unfortunately, the day after I got home I was given the news I hoped I would never hear again: the baby no longer had a heartbeat and I would be passing the remains within a few days.

At home after countless tears, and more blood, contractions, and medication than I care to live through again, we said goodbye to what might have been.

What I didn’t expect following my loss was the darkness that enveloped me.

I had such a hard time with basic life functions.

  • Getting out of bed
  • Caring for my family
  • Seeing other people

It was all so overwhelming to me.

As a pastor’s wife, I didn’t really have the luxury to just skip out on church. But it was hard for me to see people! So I’d arrive late and leave early in order to avoid any anxiety-inducing conversation. But mostly to avoid bursting into tears. There were a lot of tears.

All of this came as a surprise. I hadn’t gone through anything this dark with my first miscarriage. It was like I couldn’t control what my mind was thinking. Like my body was just along for this dark, sad ride. And I couldn’t stop it.

This may not be widely known, but besides normal emotional responses to loss, like sadness and grief, the body suffering through miscarriage goes through the same hormonal responses that it would after birthing a full-term baby.

So if pregnancy news was kept private in the first place, the loss is often suffered in silence. With chemical and hormonal imbalances taking over without the mother’s consent or even full awareness.

Where I spent the majority of several weeks following my loss.
(Not pictured: the couch where I split my time)

A new chapter…

After a few months of this, I finally started to feel like myself again.

  • Being out in public didn’t feel like such a daunting task
  • Attending play dates where babies were present no longer sent me into a choking panic
  • And I was able to attend church again without fear of bursting into tears

The truth is, I was filled with hope.

The Lord was so patient with me, so faithful to me. An ever-present help in my time of trouble. Even when I didn’t know what to do with myself or just how to function. He always knew what I needed in Him, and His presence was enough.

He never pushed. He never made me feel guilty. I needed time to mourn and rest and I did just that in His presence. And He mourned with me, and that was enough. At some point I had to choose joy in my circumstance before I could really feel it again. But over time I did. And I’m really grateful.

It was about four months after my miscarriage that I found out I was pregnant again. This time with our second rainbow baby. We gave her the name Joy for her middle name and she fills our home everyday with just that.
Ok, and a little bit of sass, too.

Before I sign off, I thought it would be worth sharing a few practical things you could do for someone who’s grieving the loss of a pregnancy, stillborn, or infant.

Try to avoid asking: What can I do to help?
It puts a lot of pressure on the grieving mother to express a request or need when she may not have the capacity to do even that.

Instead, try these:

  • I’d like to bring you a coffee, what’s your order?
  • I’d like to drop off a meal for your family, which of these days works best for you?
  • I’d like to watch your kids for a few hours, what time of day do you prefer?
  • Drop off gift cards for groceries, restaurants, manicures, etc.
  • Flowers, if they like them
  • Chocolate, always
  • etc

*Frankly, this can apply to any scenarios where a loved one is grieving or just having a rough go.

**If you’re in a season of grief, and none of these appeal to you because you’d rather be left alone, then give yourself permission to say so when people get up in your business! I’m married to someone who wants his space when he’s going through a hard time, I’m the opposite! And both are totally fine.

Bonus tips!

I know I’ve been guilty of these myself. But my own experiences have made me more sensitive to these conversations. Learn from my mistakes!

  • Don’t comment on a woman’s weight fluctuation
    This should be painfully obvious, but weight gain does not always = baby!
    And weight loss isn’t always welcomed. A woman struggling with infertility may have suffered a loss.
    The stress and strain of conceiving can also cause weight fluctuation.
    It’s just a sensitive topic all around!
    Life hack: if you need to say something, tell her she smells good!
    You’re welcome.
  • Don’t ask a couple if they’re trying for a baby, or their second, or third, etc.
    You’re basically asking someone if they’re having unprotected sex.
    Is that really the conversation you want to have over Thanksgiving dinner aunt Berta? Let me answer that for you, NO IT IS NOT!
    If a couple wants to volunteer that information and is open to discussing it, then by all means… otherwise, you just don’t really know what struggle or pain you’re triggering in someone’s very intimate and personal relationship.
Signs of spring made the weight of loss a little lighter for me

If you’re reading this and grieving your own loss, my heart breaks for you and I’m really sorry for what you’re going through.
May you take comfort, as I did, in knowing that God sees you, loves you, and grieves with you.

From my experience, there’s no quick fix to healing from a loss. But allowing people into your journey makes it much less lonely. If you’d like to talk through any of this, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I’d love to hear from you!

Lastly, if you’d like to share your thoughts, comments, or questions, send me a message or comment below!

A Place for Everything

Published on by tinavila205 Comments

… and everything in its place!

It’s impossible for me to say that phrase without hearing my mother’s voice in my head.

She declared that anytime she was ready to do an overhaul on our home and get things organized again. Although growing up, I’d say my mother was more organized in mind than in habit, her intentionality in home organization stayed with me. That said, I’d attribute my more obsessive need for order and structure to my father’s Type A personality, which I believe I inherited to a milder degree.

A word of warning:

When it comes to photo aesthetics, this post is not Martha Stewart worthy by any stretch of the imagination. My home is quite simple and dated in many ways. So if you’re looking to satisfy your need for the latest trendy home decor photo inspo, you’ve come to the wrong place.

These are just snapshots of organized areas that function well for my family’s needs. Some of them were built by my husband, others were thrown together by me with spare containers, repurposed product packaging, or dollar store finds.

Let’s dive in!

Entrance and Baskets

When we moved into our home, our entrance was nothing but blank walls, and the nearest entrance closet was only accessible by climbing a flight of stairs. Hello – not practical! Especially with kids!

Enter my handy husband with a creative flare. We already had a couple of IKEA shelves that we weren’t using. So he placed one on the floor, the other was secured to the wall, and between them my husband built what you see in the photo below. Kid and adult-height hooks were installed, and a mirror was hung in the middle. Baskets were purchased for cold weather accessories, and our entrance now had a home for footwear, coats, keys, shades, and more. This has been one my favourite and most practical additions to our home.

Takeaway Tip:

Baskets! Baskets! Baskets!

Baskets are an easy way to hide the chaos of storage, even if you’re not particularly organized. If you peak into those baskets, there’s nothing orderly about their contents at all. But it looks like we’re super organized, and sometimes that’s just the goal!

Hooks! Hooks! Hooks!

I still don’t think my kids can hang coats on a hanger, but a hook? We’ve got that down! It’s much easier to keep an entrance organized if kids can hang their own coats and jackets.

This was a blank wall when we moved in. We used IKEA shelves and other materials to put this piece together.

Junk Drawers

The easiest way to bring order to the chaos of a junk drawer is to add storage containers where junk items can be placed. So even if you’re not organized by nature, a few containers within a junk drawer will help keep things tidy.

If you’re feeling particularly orderly, try to organize your junk by size or category. The picture below has a container for essential oil rollers, one for quick mending supplies like needles and thread, another for pens and pencils, another for secret snacks, and one for miscellaneous items.

Takeaway Tip:

Reduce, Recycle… REUSE!

The majority of the containers in our junk drawers are boxes that once contained new iPhones or iPads, baby shoes, prescription glasses, etc. If the case is sturdy, it’ll be solid enough to house the random crap you’ve got lying around. This saves money AND the planet. Win-win!

Refrigeration and Tupperware

I cannot recommend Tupperware brand enough. And this isn’t even a sponsored post! My produce stays fresher so much longer when stored in FridgeSmart containers. To save space, the drawers where one would normally store produce now houses our dairy products such as milk, yogurt, and cheese.

For storing Tupperware or other plastic containers, this probably goes without saying, but just in case… Keep lids separate from the container and stack as best you can!

Takeaway Tip:

Buy the Tupperware! It is pricier than other brands but SO worth the investment. Frozen, microwaved, decades old, you name it. It is durable, practical, and makes a big difference in freshness for the food it’s storing. Again, not a sponsored post.

Endless Kitchen Utensils

When moving, the kitchen always takes the longest to pack and unpack. So it’s no surprise that it can easily become the most disorganized part of the house. Like I’ve already said, containers are an easy way to bring some order to your chaos without really trying. Some of the containers I use in our kitchen are from the dollar store (I know, I splurged here), but you can easily repurpose any containers that fit the utensils you’re storing.

Takeaway Tip:

Store items together that serve a similar purpose and/or are similar sizes. I have found this to be the easiest way to quickly find whatever I may be looking for, and also not misplace items I need.

Closet Hacks and Purging

When we moved into our home, this closet was, let’s just say…. in a very different state. The space wasn’t used to its potential so my husband came up with this layout using wall-mounted shelves, IKEA bookcases, curtain rods, and a dresser. In fact on top of that dresser is a small bookcase with the shelves removed and a curtain rod inserted in their place!

A custom closet makes it easier to stay organized. However, the most important thing is to maximize the space you do have by eliminating items that either don’t fit, or that you’re simply not wearing. When there’s less to put away, there’s less mess to be made. So….

Takeaway Tip:

Declutter! The 12 Month Rule: It can be hard to know where to start with decluttering your closet so I recommend this: If you haven’t worn an item in the last 12 months, there’s a very slim chance you will wear it again, so get rid of it! If this is too difficult, stretch it out to 24 months. You’d be surprised how few clothes are actually in regular circulation in your wardrobe, and how many just sit there waiting for their time to shine.

Folding Clothes: Marie Kondo-ish

After watching the Marie Kondo folding phenomenon I was amazed. But some of the techniques felt like too much work, so I modified a little to make it work for our spaces. Below are before and after shots of some of my husband’s drawers. I’m SO happy with the maximized space.

Takeaway Tip:

Fold shirts in thirds rather than halves and then stack them together like dominoes. You’ll save SO much space! I cannot recommend this enough. The second and third photos below featuring hoodies was a game changer too. That drawer couldn’t ever be closed and was always overflowing. I could easily fit a few more hoodies in there now using that technique. Message me if you’re interested in a video tutorial. It’s so quick and easy!

Built-In Dividers and Like-Item Storage

Our bathroom vanity has built-in dividers which helps make organization easier. Even with these separators, I still add our own containers to organize all the little things that a bathroom vanity holds.

Takeaway Tip:

Purge here too! Get rid of old makeup, product samples, or other unused items, and you’ll find it much easier to organize your space when there’s less to begin with. Keep items together that belong together. Makeup in one space, nail polish in another, hair products, lotions, etc.

No Dividers? No Problem!

I’m beginning to sound like a broken record, but if you haven’t caught on yet, get yourself some baskets and containers for storing items! Our kids’ bathroom doesn’t have any built-in dividers so I use dollar store baskets and repurposed containers similar to my junk drawer above to keep their toiletries organized.

Takeaway Tip:

Throw away expired medication! I’m sure I’ve had Advil older than my kids in some of these baskets. Anything unused and expired can be decluttered and thrown away to save space!

When Space is Limited

Our boys share a room, which means they share a closet. So far, we haven’t had to switch out clothes in season, though I’m sure that day will come. For now, this is how we’ve made it work:

  • Two mid-length rods attached to the back wall for hoodies, dress shirts, jeans, etc
  • Two drawers, each with short and long sleeve Ts in one; and shorts and sweatpants in the other
  • A shelf along the top for thick sweaters

Takeaway Tip:

Again, the Marie Kondo-ish folding method has been such a game changer in this very limited space! Folding shirts in threes and then stacking them helps the boys see all their choices easily, and allows for more to be stored in their small spaces.

Utilizing the Space Under Beds

When you’ve got more than one kid in a room, you’ve got to find creative ways to use dead space. Under beds = dead space!

My husband used a piece of plywood, a few wooden crates, and tracks for drawers to build these custom storage drawers under a bed. They house big toys like trucks and construction tools for now. But mostly they make it easy to tuck toys away out of sight.

Takeaway Tip:

Maximize dead spaces! Custom drawers are just one way to do it. But even more easily, you can pick up shallow Rubbermaid bins for out-of-season clothes or toys and store them under beds. Alternatively, you can add vertical storage such as bookcases or other shelving with baskets to keep things organized and out of sight.

Playroom Organization

Keeping kids toys organized feels like an ongoing, uphill battle. If you can’t relate, you’re probably not raising children? The easiest advice I can offer is PURGE. And a place for everything, and everything in its place can probably be best applied to this context. We are always getting rid of toys that no one plays with so that whatever we DO keep is actually being used and has a specific spot to be stored in when not in use. We also clean up daily. So before bed, all toys are put away. This avoids the compounded build up of mess. So no matter what kind of toddler tornado hits on a given day, it all gets cleaned up at the end of it.

Takeaway Tip:

Purge Purge Purge! When there’s less to put away, there’s less to keep up with. An alternative to this: remove toys temporarily and reintroduce them periodically. Especially for younger ones, this keeps their options fresh and exciting as they likely won’t remember the toys in the first place and won’t get so overwhelmed by seeing too many option at once. Less is more!

Find the kid in this photo!

Storage and Linen Closets

My favourite tip for closet storage is to use the plastic bags that comforters and bedding sets are packaged in upon purchase. Fold your items neatly with like-items (bedding, table cloths, towels, etc.) and store them together.

These bags are usually transparent so it’s easy to quickly find what you’re looking for when you need it! Whatever is used more frequently, make more accessible. For example, in the summer we keep beach towels on the main shelf, in winter months, throw blankets claim that spot.

Takeaway Tips:

  • Store like-items together
  • Use plastic packaging to keep things neat and visible
  • Rotate seasonal items for easy access

Final Thoughts and Tips!

  • Purge and declutter!
  • Utilize baskets and reusable containers!
  • Fold clothes the Marie Kondo way (ish)!
  • Maximize vertical storage and dead space!
Wearing an apron makes you a domestic expert, didn’t you know?

Thanks for reading along!
Like I said at the start, this post isn’t meant to be magazine-worthy, and I definitely don’t have all the best ideas for organization. But hopefully these humble, practical ideas will be useful to you if you need them!

Have any thoughts or questions? Hit me up in the comments or send me a message! I would love to hear from you!

Raising Readers in a World of Screens

Published on by tinavila204 Comments

My dear friends and beloved readers, I’ve stated from the onset that I am no expert on any of the subjects I venture to write about here…

this post is no exception…

I am fully aware that screen time is a sensitive and controversial topic, and sometimes the source of conflict in the home. Especially when it comes to screen time and kids. Writing about this topic feels as foolish as discussing politics on the internet in the middle of a global pandemic. But I never did claim to be a wise gal, so here we go!

What I really hope to offer here are ideas, alternatives, and tips to encourage a love of reading, creativity, and even boredom – as well as some healthy boundaries surrounding screen time, if you feel they’re needed.

Our happy place: Leamington Library (pre-Covid)

Some of you know of my family’s limited-screen approach. While I realize going completely screen-free isn’t realistic or even desired since screens are increasingly a valuable part life, I DO think it’s possible to adjust to your screen time guidelines so that they work for your family’s specific needs and goals if that’s something you want!

Why we’ve limited screens:

  • Because we’ve personally experienced the addictive nature of technological devices
  • We believe our kids can make better use of their time, especially at the ages of 7, 6, and 2 yrs
  • The use of screens will inevitably become a regular part of their lives, that’s not the case just yet
Screen-free early morning chats over breakfast

How we wound up where we are with screens

Please know that my husband and I didn’t set out to be a screen-free family before having kids. Our limited screen activity just sort of happened. It’s shamefully easy for us to say ‘no’ to our kids. So we don’t usually let them use devices when they ask. Even from when they were babies grabbing our phones, we’d simply take them back and hide them out of sight. So they never really got used to handling phones or tablets from young ages.

What that looks like now

After so many months without school or regular activities, we have loosened our screen time restrictions quite a bit. Pre-Covid, our kids could easily go days without seeing a screen. But now I’d say our eldest will usually go on a tablet daily and both boys will sometimes watch a movie or show as well. Still for the most part they’re accustomed to filling their days with other activities. Once school rhythms begin, we’ll likely restructure our screen use again, time will tell!

Reading to his brother and sister is his full time job some days

What the pros have to say…

*Because like I said, I’m not definitely one of them!

The World Health Organization states that the younger a child is, the less screen time is recommended. That shouldn’t come as a surprise to any of us, but it’s worth noting as we all try to balance our children’s use of time.
You can look up the WHO for more information, but if this general guideline resonates with you and you want to make changes to your family’s screen use, it would be helpful to identify the moments when allowing the use of screens is especially tempting.

For example:

  • First thing in the morning
  • Whilst eating breakfast
  • Killing time prior to leaving for school
  • During a commute
  • After school to unwind
  • Before dinner
  • After dinner
  • Before bed

This is just my list. But I recommend doing this to help you decide when you might make changes to screen use.

I love catching her reading in her bedroom

When our kids are bored, which isn’t the end of the world(!), here are some activities they enjoy besides reading.

  • writing stories
  • draw, paint, colour
  • musical instruments
  • lego
  • imaginary role play games
  • card games and board games
  • sports
  • build forts
  • wrestle
  • race
  • dance parties
  • trampoline
  • play outdoors
  • etc.
I often find piles of books and kids together

Quiet times throughout the day.
What does that look like?

Early morning reading before the sun is up

Morning… Afternoon nap… Bedtime…
This is the trinity of silence in our home where we try to keep things calm and quiet. It’s also when I personally find the use of screens to be tempting. We’ve found that the best way to avoid a default to screens in these moments is to plan ahead. Before bed, we pick out books the boys want to read in the morning and they keep them nearby so they’re easily accessible when they wake up.

After lunch while I get their sister ready for her nap, we decide together what they’ll do during that quiet time. They often like to read or choose to play lego or draw/write.

Bedtime is the same. We discuss together what they can do before bed. Lately a request for screen time is more common and this is where we usually allow for a movie or show. Otherwise it’s a reading time in bed as well.

A couple o’ readers and a lego creator

When do we allow screen time?
What does that look like?

TV Shows, Sports, and Movies

On weekends we watch family movies together but we also spend evenings playing card games, board games, lego, reading, etc. The boys also enjoy watching football or hockey with their dad.

My husband is out of the house for sometimes up to three evenings per week. This leaves me doing dinner and bedtime alone, so with three kids, I am very outnumbered. On these nights, the boys get to watch a movie or a show before bed.


Here are some current favourite shows:

The bots go on adventures to the human world to help answer kids’ biggest questions, like “Why is the sky blue?” or “Why do I need to brush my teeth?”
Set in the 23rd century, two friends and robot travel with Superbook to Bible times and make connections to the biblical characters they meet along the way.

Tablets

We have an old iPad which the boys use a few times a week. Our eldest likes to look up YouTube videos on how to draw characters from Star Wars or Dogman. He also enjoys the Bible Project series, Wikipedia articles, and documentaries on anything from How the Titanic sank, to How many species of beetles there are, and of course, The American War of Independence because, Hamilton obsession (Yes, I know we’re 5 years late on that).

He could be on an iPad all day doing his research and watching videos, but we still try to limit that and balance out his activity despite the educational value of what he’s doing.

Watching scenes from Star Wars!

* I’m aware that not all screen activity is equal!
There’s a whole world of educational apps and programs out there that we just haven’t really tapped into yet. I’m sure that day will come. Please hit me up in the comments with your recommendations!

Traveling and Waiting

Our extended families both live in Montreal. So screen time on our drives looks like 2 movies each way. That’s about 3 to 4 hours of screen time over a 10-hour drive. The rest of the drive is filled with lego, books, games, colouring, singing, family chats, staring out the window, etc.

Life hack! These dollar store trays make for great travel tables when the kids want to colour or build with lego!

We also live about a half hour from our nearest big city. So on errand days or for doctor appointments, we bring books to read while we drive and wait! Besides reading, our drives become great opportunities for chats about things they’re curious about such as, How do police dogs find things with their noses? or Why is Pluto no longer considered a planet?

We also like to play games like I Spy, The Alphabet Game, or Would You Rather, etc.

I’ve loved watching their relationship develop in these simple, real life scenarios of long drives and waiting rooms. I especially love learning about how their minds work as they discuss the world they’re observing around them.

Always a treat to browse Indigo Bookstore on Windsor errand days

Thus concludes our screen experience and alternatives.

Keep reading for our favourite bibles, BOOKS, AND GAMES!

Bible recommendations

We are BIG into Bible-reading in our house! We have a small collection of Bibles to choose from so the stories are always fresh, exciting, and insightful. Here are some of our favourites.

This comic Bible has very accessible language for kids
10/10 would recommend
The Jesus Storybook Bible is my personal favourite.
The language is so beautiful, even for adults.

Book recommendations:

C enjoys fiction, non-fiction, and trivia books:

  • Encyclopedia Brown
  • Magic Tree House
  • Captain Underpants
  • Dogman
  • Star Wars anything
  • Hockey magazines
  • Guinness World Records, Ripley’s, etc.
  • History books, biographies, etc
Ready to read in any setting, beach included!

L likes early readers books with great illustrations
(he’s still learning to read), especially:

  • Lego books
  • Lego magazines
  • Lego instruction manuals
  • Star Wars
  • Ninjago books
  • Marvel Avengers
  • DC Justice League
I find him in the most random spots reading the most random things

E is only just being exposed to the world of literature. Her literary interests are on the topics of:

  • puppies
  • kitties
  • babies
  • herself, in photo albums
Pint-sized books for a pint-sized girl!

Game recommendations:

Not an exhaustive list of games, but some of our current favourites

The local library

Books are expensive! And if your kids go through them as quickly as mine do, you’ll want to get yourself a library card. We LOVE library days and have found that regular visits to our local library is the best way to ensure access to fresh reading material for FREE.

Leamington Library!
With libraries closed during the pandemic,
we’ve taken advantage of the curb side pick up service!

Reading incentives:

This may sound ridiculous, especially if you don’t have children, but anyone with kids past the age of infancy knows a little bribe goes a very long way. And I don’t even care. If your kids don’t like reading, pay them to do it! Growing up, my mother gave us reading lists over the summer and would pay us a quarter per book completed. Bonus quarter for finishing the list by a certain date. (This was the 90s people, a whole dollar made you rich back then.) Boy, did I ever love to read that summer!
I’m cheap, so prefer to bribe my children with screen time or junk food. Go ahead and judge me, but it’s amazing how the promise of a handful of Skittles at the end of a reading rainbow can turn a kid into a bookworm.

*Bonus tip!

Play all the music! It may sound too easy, but we have found that our kids don’t get bored as easily when there’s music on filling the air space. Here are some of our favourite artists and genres that inspire the best toe-tapping kitchen dance parties:

  • Worship music by Hillsong
  • Elevation
  • Bethel
  • Upperroom
  • Hamilton soundtrack
  • Guardians of the Galaxy soundtrack
  • The Beatles
  • The Eagles
  • Queen
  • John Mayer
  • Big Band/Swing/Jazz
  • etc
Reading on our picnic at the beach

Bottom line:

Do what works for you! If your child’s screen use is something you want to change, decide what you want to change, and then go for it!
Find common ground with your partner, have a family meeting, start small, and don’t get discouraged if you take 1 step forward, 2 steps back.
It’s your family, and no one will work harder for what you want it to look like than you will.

We don’t have perfect days, and sometimes I cave into screens and need to remind myself it isn’t the worst thing ever. Maybe this is easier for you than it is for me? It’s just something I’m working through and maybe we all are!

Local Library Love (pre-Covid)

I hope you’re not reading this discouraged or defeated; rather, inspired and invigorated! If you want to discuss further, feel free to message me. I’d love to hear from you!
If you have your own tips to share, please comment!

As always, thanks so much for reading along. I’m so grateful.

yet He is still good

Published on by tinavila2012 Comments

Everyone loves a good tattoo backstory, so I thought I’d share mine!

If you know me at all, you can probably guess that this bad boy was inspired by a passage in the Bible. So let’s just get right to some “fiery” teaching on the prophetic book of Daniel, shall we!

First off: why Daniel?

About three years ago, I was preparing to speak at a women’s retreat on the topic of thanksgiving (the posture of the heart, not the overly-commercialized holiday).
I was assigned a specific psalm as a starting point and was free to go where I wanted from there. The psalm itself was originally written as a song and is quite repetitive. It starts with the declaration that God. Is. Good.

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good.
His love endures forever.

– Psalm 136:1

When I read that verse, the first thing that came to mind was a story found in Daniel 3 about three Hebrew officials in the Babylonian empire, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.
Basically these three guys were stuck between a rock and a hard place – or an idol and a hot place – as I like to call it (see what I did there?).
To this day, I don’t know why the Lord brought that passage to my mind, but I just love it. Here’s some context followed by an excerpt:

The king of Babylon had a pretty big name, and an even BIGGER ego. King Nebuchadnezzar had a golden statue constructed in his honour and it was a whopping 90 ft tall and 9 ft wide. That’s about the equivalent of a nine story building. Scholars argue that it was probably made of wood, and simply encased in gold because there was no way that the Babylonian empire would have had access to that much gold, but I digress.

So the statue was erected on a plain for all to see. The king had arranged for music to be played, and commanded that everyone bow down and worship the statue when the music began. If anyone failed to do so, they would be thrown into an also-very-big fiery furnace.

To everyone’s shock and horror, there were three men left standing amongst a sea of prostrate worshipers which, let’s just say, left the king more than a little irate.
Now the Bible doesn’t say why, but for some reason, the king actually gave these men an opportunity to explain themselves. Perhaps because they were trusted officials of the king, we don’t know. But for me, their response is the absolute climax of the story. So buckle up, kids!

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego replied, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you.
If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty.
But even if he doesn’t, we want to make it clear to you, Your Majesty, that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up.”

– Daniel 3:16-18

Well hot damn (pun intended), talk about a clap back.

I feel like I could use a full blog post just to unpack that response! Which… in fact, is precisely what this has turned out to be. Let’s carry on.

In the end, their confident response was not enough to spare them from the flames. The Bible says that the king was literally FURIOUS WITH RAGE.
Y’all, I wish I could say that I can’t relate to that level of heightened emotion over being disobeyed, but sadly I have totally been there. Again, I digress.

So the king, as we’ve established, was furious with rage, and had the fires stoked to seven times hotter than usual. He had the three men bound and thrown into the furnace to face their doom. Then the king noticed something…

“Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods.”

– King Neb from Daniel 3:25

King Nebuchadnezzar literally saw Jesus Christ in a pre-incarnate appearance. What?! MADNESS!

The king immediately called them forth and they walked out of the furnace unharmed. The men were not singed, scorched, burnt, or had even the faintest smell of smoke on their bodies. The king then gave all credit to the God they worshipped, and commanded that everyone give glory to God, claiming that no other god could save in this way (vs. 29).

What strikes me from this story more than the miraculous way that the Lord saved them, is the faith that Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego displayed in the face of adversity.
And not just that they believed God would save them, but that they fully knew that God is worthy to be obeyed and worshipped, even if He does not.

I just had to dig into some commentaries to get more out of this passage, especially where the three Hebrew men respond to the king. Here’s some gold I found whilst digging, mostly by Warren W. Wiersbe:

The devil tempts us to destroy our faith, but God tests us to develop our faith, because a faith that can’t be tested can’t be trusted. We know that false faith withers in times of trial, but true faith takes deeper root, grows, and brings glory to God. This explains why God permitted the three Hebrew men to be tested and then thrown into a fiery furnace.

The experience of these three men forced me to examine my own faith and determine whether I possess the kind of authentic faith that can be tested and bring glory to God.

Pregnant with E, and the reminder of God’s goodness etched on my arm

See, while I was studying this passage all those years ago and preparing for my talk at that women’s retreat, I found out that I was pregnant! Oh happy day! It was such an answer to prayer, as I had been waiting for a positive test for nearly two years already.
Unfortunately, I started spotting and cramping and I was scared, confused, and angry. The timing could not have been worse. What could have been just another disappointing regular monthly cycle, was suddenly the elating high of a new baby coming, followed by the terrifying potential of a heartbreaking loss.
And all this while I was preparing for my first big speaking engagement. Well the spotting continued, and after an inconclusive ultrasound, I determined the following:

God. Is. Good… All. The. Time.

If He saves this baby, and I carry to term, and I birth this child, and all is well… God is good.

But if I keep cramping and spotting, and have to go speak at this retreat with the unknown looming over me, still cramping and still spotting… and if I come home still cramping and spotting, and I go to the hospital again, and have another ultrasound, and they cannot detect the baby’s heartbeat, and tell me I’m losing the baby, but the cramping and bleeding won’t stop, so I have to take medication to pass the remains of the child, and I have contractions and more bleeding, and I sink into the deepest sadness I’ve known and much confusion over what the heck just happened to me… well… God is good.

Before you wonder if I bothered to proofread, please know that that absolutely dreadful run-on sentence was completely intentional. My world was spinning endlessly for those weeks of waiting, and everything I described is exactly how it all played out.

But after that first inconclusive ultrasound, when it really could have gone either way… just like the three Hebrew men who could very well have died in that furnace… I determined that God is good, and that He is worthy of worship, whether or not I am spared from the flames.

The day my rainbow baby discovered my tattoo

Because you see, faith in God means OBEYING God regardless of the feelings within us, the circumstances around us, or the consequences before us.

Just like we saw with the three Hebrew officials, true faith isn’t frightened by threats, impressed by crowds, or swayed by superstitious ceremonies. True faith follows and obeys the Lord and trusts Him to work out the consequences.
Even if those consequences result in miscarriage… So do I still worship if I miscarry? Is He still good even if I never get to hold my baby on this side of heaven?

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were men of faith, but not of presumption. If they had declared with certainty that God would deliver them, that would have been presumptuous, because they didn’t actually know what God had willed for their situation. Instead, they stated that their God was able to deliver them, but even if He didn’t, they still wouldn’t fall down before the king’s golden image because their God was unchanged. His goodness, still true. This resonated with me so much and became the inspiration for my tattoo.

I told myself, “I want these words etched on my arm forever” and I chose a spot on the inside of my left arm to do it. I’m left-handed, so I wanted the words to stare me in the face as a constant reminder, whether I was eating or drinking or typing or writing or driving, that God is good. No matter what.

I remember resolving quite definitively that, “I will get this tattoo. And it’s not a matter of if, but when. I’ll either have the ink done after my baby is born, or after I miscarry. Because the goodness of God is not dependent on the outcome of this pregnancy.”

I’ve found that there’s such a thing as commercial faith that says, “I’ll follow and obey God if He rewards me for doing it”. But this is the devil’s philosophy of worship. Just like he told Jesus when tempting Him in the desert: all these things will I give you if you will fall down and worship me (Matthew 4:9). But this isn’t believing God – it’s bargaining with God! True faith confesses the Lord and obeys regardless of the consequences.


God always rewards faith, but He doesn’t always step in and perform special miracles.

– Warren W. Wiersbe

I was so grateful to God for giving me this passage at such a critical time in my journey. It was a really difficult season for me, but also a season of growth, and that’s why I decided to start the phrasing of the tattoo with ‘yet’. See the word ‘yet’ may be small, but it’s a heavy, weighted word. It implies that a whole load of crap happened before it.

yet He is still good…

for me, the ‘yet’ meant that:

What I’m going through is so painful and difficult and discouraging… and yet… God is good.
yet He is STILL good.
and
He will be good.
He is always good.

So once the phrasing was decided, a dear friend with the prettiest handwriting agreed to write out the script for me. I’m sure she sent me over 40 drafts. I settled on a favourite and had the ink done a few months following my miscarriage. The tattoo hadn’t even fully healed before I took a pregnancy test and discovered I was expecting my rainbow baby.

Losing a child is hard, and yet He is still good.

One day I’ll share more details about the two babies I lost and my journey through all of that. But for now, I think the comfort and peace I found through the story in Daniel 3 during a painful loss will suffice.

She’s obsessed. So am I.

Important note: I credit much of this post’s content to a commentary by Warren W. Wiersbe. I don’t remember how to properly cite my sources because it’s been a zillion years since I’ve written a proper essay. But this isn’t an essay, it’s my heart. If you want to read more by Wiersbe, look him up! He’s a smart fellow.

Have you got a tattoo and a meaningful story behind it? Please share!

If you have any thoughts or questions, please please please comment below or send me a message! Thanks so much for reading along.

From City Girl to Small Town Vibes

Published on by tinavila209 Comments

I’ve had this post brewing in the back of my mind and the depths of my heart for awhile now. I consider it an enormous privilege to live where I do, and getting to share all the reasons why, excites me to no end!

For some context as to what I’m actually comparing my life to, you should know that I was born and raised in Montreal, QC. I started out in Chomedey, Laval, aka: Greekville, and then moved to the West Island for grade school with all the Anglo-Saxon suburbanites. This is where I remained until my husband and I moved our family to Essex County, ON.

Although this post is about Leamington and the county, here’s what I still love and miss about Montreal:

  • Family
  • Friends
  • Food
  • Easy access to IKEA and Apple stores
Smoked meat poutine is a must whilst visiting Montreal. Thank me later.

That being said, I absolutely LOVE our little corner of Southern Ontario and can’t imagine raising our family anywhere else. Of course, that’s not entirely up to me. And should God have other plans, then we’ll follow where He leads. But in the meantime…

Here are the top 7 things I love about Leamington and Essex County!

Four Glorious Seasons!

For the first time in my life, I get to experience what I always imagined spring and fall could actually feel like. We moved to Leamington in the summer, and summers are always hot, hot, hot, and humid.
Well near the end of our first summer here, I got my annual-seasonal-minor-panic-attacks because I anticipated at least six long, cold, snow-filled, winter months ahead, and I always hated the loooooooong winters of Montreal. Not so much winter itself, but the fact that it takes up half of the year. It nearly killed me many-a-time.

Baby girl staring at fresh snow mid-January

Well I waited and waited and winter took forever to get here! A very long, breezy, beautiful, crisp autumn was a welcomed change to the sub-zero temperatures I was used to come October and November. Cute sweaters, pumpkin spice everything, and not a snowflake in sight. My kind of fall!

Summer street hockey enjoyed year-round. This is late November.

In fact by the time we welcomed our first Christmas in the county, the climate felt more like what fall felt like back home. And actually most of winter feels that way. We do get some snow in Leamington but it usually melts within the day, or within a few weeks if we’re in a cold spell. And because the temperatures keep rising above freezing so often, there’s never much snow accumulation to deal with.

Our eldest learnt to ride a bike during our first winter here. This was early February.

As a result, vehicles are not required to switch to winter tires for the snowy months. There are no contracted snowploughs for residential driveways, and school closures are quite common since the town can’t seem to handle more than a few inches of snow accumulation. Spring comes early (or at least earlier than I’m used to), and enjoying blossoms in March is still a welcomed surprise each year.

Freak snowfall in the spring which melted moments later.

Fruit Stands!

Ok so when I say fruit stands, what you should be picturing is a farmer’s market because the fruit stands around here sell so much more than fruit. And they… are… everyWHERE!

Lee & Maria’s has a huge variety of produce and specialty goods

Fruit stands are open for about 10 months of the year, closing only for the harshest of winter months. Some are more elaborate and look like a farmer’s market – being partially enclosed. Others are just a literal stand selling fruit and veggies and manned by no one but a bucket to collect cash payment for produce via the honour system.

L & M: just as cute on the inside

For these smaller stands, there’s usually a big sign displaying produce for sale with prices. It’s assumed that you’ll pay the rate requested but there’s no actual way of knowing! These little stands are popped up just about everywhere on the county roads.

Lee & Maria’s for LaCroix sparkling water!

Aside from the usual farm-fresh produce, the bigger fruit stands also sell specialty goods. One of my favourites, Lee & Maria’s sells LaCroix sparkling water which I am very fond of. Normally I’d have to pick up LaCroix all the way in the US, but this fruit stand has a great selection just down the road!

Willow Tree Market sits under a willow tree and is the most quaint little market around

One of my favourite fruit stands, Willow Tree Market, sells a variety Lebanese homemade products. Besides fresh and delicious local produce, I usually come home with their homemade tabouli, hummus, pico de gallo, pita chips, or brownie batter hummus. Their brownie batter hummus is made with chickpeas and coconut oil and it’s a taste of heaven. I highly recommend it.

Literally the best hummus on the market.

Many of the fruit stands also have bagged produce that they want to get rid of at a ridiculously low cost. During summer months, you can pick up huge bags of fresh cucumbers, tomatoes, peppers, onions, etc for $1 or $2. It feels like stealing except you’re kind of doing them a favour so it’s really a win-win situation.

This lot of locally-grown produce came to a grand total of $1.00 altogether!

The closest fruit stand to us is Aziz Fruit Stand, and it is walking distance from our home. Besides local produce, they sell a delicious variety of baked goods. Their peanut butter chocolate balls and coconut chocolate balls are my personal favourite!

Aziz Fruit Stand – just a couple of blocks from home!

Lake Erie and Point Pelee!

It’s impossible to put together a list like this and NOT mention the lake! Lake Erie is the second smallest of The Great Lakes but still a great source of fun and adventure. It’s obviously not a saltwater lake but it sure does feel like being by the sea when you’re there.

Beach bums at Seacliffe Beach – just a 1km walk away from our home.

We are so privileged to live only a walk away from Lake Erie, and our favourite splash pad and park overlook the lake there! We also enjoy regular walks on the boardwalk at the Leamington Marina while we admire the boats and feed the ducks. In summer months, live music and festivals can be enjoyed on the waterfront as well.

One of our favourite spots to enjoy the water

Because the lake is so big, so are the waves! On windy days, swimming in Lake Erie can be risky. But the water is clear, and the sand is soft, so the beach feels like you’re on vacation somewhere far, far away. I’m so grateful for this natural body of water we can enjoy on hot and humid days.

Seacliffe Beach Babe

If you’re looking for the southern most tip of Canada, look no further, folks! Sitting on the same latitude as France, Spain, and Norther California is Point Pelee. Literally a strip of land that goes to a narrow point in Lake Erie, it is the southern most tip of Canada. It’s also a Canadian national park and a really big tourist attraction too.

Point Pelee – Southern most tip of Canada

Our family loves to use the trails at Point Pelee for bike rides, and the beach for long walks, swimming and rock-throwing. We’ve yet to visit Pelee Island which can be accessed by ferry, but it’s on our short list of thing to explore!

Point Pelee in the spring

Peaceful, Easy Feeling…

This early 70s, Eagles-inspired category deserves to stand on its own. I didn’t really understand what “small town feel” really meant until I lived it. Read on to see what I mean…

Just digging dirt on a tomato farm

One fairly accurate, small-town stereotype is that you’re likely to bump into people you know at any given time. This has its pros and cons. For example, if you would rather forgo the bra on a quick errand, you may want to rethink your “quick errand” attire. It’s possible that I’m speaking from experience.
So far I still enjoy the lack of anonymity that comes with getting to know the people around you. We’ve become personal friends with our kids’ teachers, and are on very friendly terms with one of our favourite florists and butcher! Not just that, but our town’s mayor and I even exchange private messages on Facebook from time to time because, why the heck not?! These are not things I had ever experienced living in Montreal.

Wagon ride through the fields

But I think what I love most about this category specifically, is that peaceful, easy feeling. There’s no rush hour traffic, or “overly rushed” anything! We had to get used to certain shops being closed on Sundays, or just closing early on any given day “just because”. Living in Montreal, we had grown so accustomed to the fast paced rat race of the city, we didn’t realize what life could be like without it.
Even though we’re technically on holiday when we do visit Montreal, I’m always reminded of this huge contrast in the pace of life. People are just not in a rush where we live in the same way as they are in big cities, even if they think they are. It’s just so refreshing! And I’m so glad we didn’t wait until we were old enough to retire to embrace a slower pace of living.

“We had grown so accustomed to the fast paced rat race of the city, we didn’t realize what life could be like without it.”

Wineries!

This is a fan-favourite category if there ever was one! The countryside may be filled with farms and greenhouses, but it’s also filled with the loveliest, most picturesque wineries you ever did see. The photos I’ve included here are just of the ones I’ve personally visited. There are so many more!

Oxley Estate Winery

The wineries also have their own restaurants featuring menus that pair nicely with the wines they make locally. Charcuterie boards and house-made pastas have been some of my favourite menu items. My personal favourite wine is the LOLA Rosé and you can find it, as well as other popular local wines, at most LCBO’s in Ontario. I can’t speak for liquor stores in other areas though. Oh and of course, drink responsibly! (Quite sure I’m required to say that as a pastor’s wife so you’re welcome lol)

Paglione Estate Winery has the most beautiful grounds

All the wineries in the Essex County countryside are quite close to each other, so the first pairing I’d recommend is a little bike tour to go with your wine tasting!

Bistro 42 @ North 42 Degrees Estate Winery

There are so many lovely bike trails all along the wine country. North 42 Degrees Estate Winery is my personal favourite because of the lavender farm adjacent to the vineyards. You just can’t visit Essex County and not check out the wineries of Essex County. Another highly recommended stop!

Sprucewood Shores Estate Winery

The Motor City!

I could have included Windsor in this category title because although I LOVE living in a small town, part of the reason why it’s working for me personally is because we live about a half hour drive from a bigger city that has things like a mall, Costco, and other essentials.

View of Detroit from Windsor

Whenever people ask us where we live, I always need to reference it to Detroit-Windsor. The border cities have only the narrow Detroit River between them, so the US can be accessed easily by bridge or tunnel (pre-Corona of course!). Keep reading for some of the reasons why I’ve enjoyed living so close to the US!

This photo is dated but we can see the GM buildings from just about anywhere in Windsor overlooking the Detroit River.

Like I said, we live 30 minutes from Windsor, and only 45 minutes from the US border. This makes day trips or quick errands into the States fairly easy. My favourite thing to do is to drop off the kids at school, head to Target, give Target all my money, grab lunch at Chipotle, and make it back in time for school pick up. Talk about the thrill of a race against time!

I tried to find a more casual shot of me at Target but it doesn’t exist

Another “best of both worlds” is getting to enjoy all the big city attractions, like professional sports and stadium concerts, while still living in a small town. We’ve gone to a few baseball games since moving here and the kids have loved it. (Go Tigers! I mean, Go Blue Jays! I mean, I don’t care… let’s just go!)

Take me out to the ball game! This is Comerica Park in Detroit.

The cheapest way, by far, for us to watch the Habs play is to watch them in Detroit. Despite being Hockeytown, Red Wings games always have lots of seats to choose from, and even in USD, tickets are significantly cheaper than in Montreal.
We’ve yet to go see the Pistons or Lions play (basketball and football, you’re welcome) but they are on our short list along with Pelee Island!

Go Habs Go! (I’m not confused about who to cheer for here)

As mentioned, being so close to the US means lots of stadium concerts to choose from without driving 3+ hours to Toronto for the next closest option. So yes, I did go see Taylor with what felt like every teenager in the state of Michigan. And yes, I did feel old, but also fabulous, so it was well worth it.

When you’re so close to the CAN-US border, Tay is just a hop, skip, and a jump away!

Another favourite Detroit attraction for us is Mexicantown! We’ve enjoyed some of the most authentic Mexican food I’ve ever had. Thankfully, my Spanish 101 college course is really coming in clutch, and I’ve been able to order food off the exclusively Spanish menus almost entirely unassisted by my Spanish-speaking husband. Mas cerveza por favor! In any case, if you’re in Detroit, check out Mexicantown!

Mexicantown in Southwest, Detroit

Meadow Brook Church!

I’ve saved the best for last, of course, because our church is the reason we were blessed enough to move to Leamington in the first place.

Photo taken by my multitalented husband

We’ve had the privilege of being a part of this wonderful church community for the past five years. We were received so warmly even before arriving with groups organized to help us move our furniture, clean our house, prepare some meals, care for our kids, and just love on us despite being strangers. It still warms my heart to remember those early days.

MB Youth Summer Camp!


Since then, we’ve had some ups and downs in ministry. I share a lot of happy moments on Facebook and Instagram because that’s what I want to remember. Some seasons have been really hard, others have been wonderful. But my favourite thing is watching my husband grow into the man of God he is, and my kids into the children of God that they are. And I attribute much of that growth to our years of ministry here at MB.

Just a regular Sunday, obviously pre-Corona

Despite being here to serve our community, I feel like we have been the real recipients of blessing. We’ve made some of our closest friends here, and they have helped carry us through difficult seasons. We’ve been unofficially adopted by a couple of angels who we don’t deserve, and they made Leamington feel like home real quick. And although my husband pours so much into the people and ministries he leads, the growth we see in the youth, young adults, and others we’ve connected with is such a rich reward to us. I just can’t imagine raising our family anyplace else. Like I said, there have been hard times for sure, but we are so very blessed.

Under the willow tree @ Willow Tree Market

Well, that concludes our little tour of Leamington and Essex County. Be sure to visit our gift shop, and don’t forget to swing by my place next time you’re in town!

For any locals, is there something you love about the county that I’ve left out? Please share your recommendations!
If you’ve never been to Leamington or Essex County, what jumped out at you from this post?

Hit me up in the comments!