Month: May 2022

Troubled

Published on by tinavila20Leave a comment

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In the spring of 2015, my husband began to look for work outside of our home province of Quebec.

Since Montreal is a big city with plenty of opportunities, most of our friends and family established their lives in basically the same parts of the city where they grew up. And we thought we would too!

But sensing God’s call to explore opportunities elsewhere, we polished up the resumés and scoped out the Help Wanted sites for hiring youth pastors across the country.

When we put our house on the market (but not the children)

As a sidebar, I also happened to be giving up the six years of seniority I had accrued with my local school board teaching History and English at the secondary level. I was sure I’d teach with that board until retirement. Unfortunately, I was just 30 years shy of that goal.

Turns out the anticipation of moving was really only exciting to me in theory. When it got down to it, my heart was troubled.

Life, as I knew it was about to change forever. Apart from my little family, the solid pillars of my life – work and community – were crumbling around me faster than I could grasp them and bottle them up.

I want to tell you that it was an exciting time. I want to say that we were super pumped and eager for what would come next. And although there were many days when that was certainly true, it was often scary too. And in quiet moments, I was troubled.

Waiting for our flight to Leamington for a week of candidating

I didn’t actually want things to change. I didn’t want to uproot my family. I didn’t want to meet new people. I didn’t want to find a new church. Or make new friends. Or live in a new house, find a new job, or new community.

As much as I love surprises and adventure and exploring, I didn’t want those things at the expense of giving up the good things I already had: a close knit family that lived nearby, lifelong friends who knew me to my core…

It’s just easier to move on when your current reality sucks. But mine didn’t suck! I was happy. And I was in no rush to change a thing.

That’s why I think it’s possible to hold those things in tension: peace about change, yet heartache over loss too.

Fortunately, God knows better and He was already putting the wheels in motion to make those changes in our lives before we even recognized our need for them.

Our first youth group event: baseball practice!

What to do with a troubled heart

I’m reminded of Jesus’ disciples in John 14. Like me, the disciples were blissfully content with the status quo and had no interest in drastic changes that would alter their lives in any way.

So when Jesus warns His disciples that He would be leaving them soon and that they could not follow after Him, they were clearly troubled by the news. So Jesus tells them:

Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe God!

– John 14:1

What strikes me about this is not so much what Jesus says, but what He doesn’t say. He doesn’t say, Do not let your hearts be troubled…

  • Suck it up!
  • You can do it!
  • It’ll be fine!
  • Believe in yourself!
  • You got this!

When our hearts are troubled. When the future is unknown. When the path is confusing. When the plans are unclear.

Believe God!

Not yourself. Not your strengths. Not your gifting, talent, organizational skills, educational background, charisma, charm, or cash.

Just, God. Believe God about what He says about both Himself, and His promises to you.

The only thing we can trust in a changing world of unknowns, is a God who is unchanging, and who makes Himself known.

Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above; it comes down from the Father of lights [the Creator and Sustainer of the heavens], in whom there is no variation [no rising or setting] or shadow cast by His turning [for He is perfect and never changes].

– James 1:17 AMP

For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God.

– Romans 1:20 NLT

As Jesus told His disciples, the only remedy for a troubled heart is to believe God. I had mentioned this in my Easter post, but it bears repeating because I feel it to my core.

Leaning on anything besides Jesus for meaning or purpose will crush under the weight of our expectations for it to sustain us.

Moving was really hard. But it wasn’t impossible! And it didn’t crush me because I believed God for who He is.

  • He is trustworthy and true (Revelation 21:5)
  • He works all things out for my good (Romans 8:28)
  • His works are wonderful, I know this full well (Psalm 139:14)
  • He sets my feet on solid ground (Psalm 40:2)
  • He goes before me (Deuteronomy 31:8)
  • And He sustains me (Psalm 54:4)
Windsor Airport, after our weekend interview when we knew we had found where God was leading us

Core Strength

When Saul was still king of Israel, he felt so threatened by his successor, David, that he made it his mission to destroy him. 1 Samuel 30 describes a time when David and his men discovered that their city was burned and pillaged, and their wives and children were taken captive. It goes on to say that David’s men wept for their families until they had no more strength to weep. And while we’re being honest, I get it! But not David…

David strengthened himself in the Lord.

– I Samuel 30:6

At some point, we all must decide where we’ll turn and what we’ll do when our hearts are troubled. Do we strengthen ourselves like David did, in the Lord, THE Source of strength? Do we believe God for who He is? Do we believe in His promises?

As the disciple Peter told Jesus in John 6:68,

Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life!

Peter recognized that there really is nowhere else to go in hardship but to Jesus. My prayer is that we’ll all get there too!

Preach to the Choir

One of my favourite Psalms ends with the author literally preaching to himself, and almost nothing could be more relatable. We all do this at some point, don’t we?

Psalm 43:5 NLT says:

Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise Him again— my Savior and my God!

Other translations use terms like: depressed, downcast, disturbed, overwrought, disquieted, despaired, disheartened, gloomy, dejected, restless, and of course… troubled.

It’s ok to feel these things! God knows all about our brokenness and the broken world that causes pain. He created us. And He created our emotions and feelings too.

But it doesn’t mean He wants us to stay there. Sometimes, we have to do like the psalmist, and preach to ourselves. Put my hope in God! Believe God! Trust God! I will praise Him again… this troubled season won’t last forever.

Exploring the lake the day after after moved

To quote Shakespeare:

All’s Well, That Ends Well

Not to keep anyone guessing, but we did settle nicely into our new life and I wouldn’t change a thing. Not because I haven’t had a troubled heart here too, but because I believe God. And I only want to be where He planned for me. Where else would I go? He has the words of eternal life.

What’s in the Ears

Join the conversation! Comment below, send me a message, and even share this with a friend!

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Highs and Lows

Published on by tinavila202 Comments

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Why do bad things happen to good people?

It’s a tired question with no real answer. But one we all struggle with, to some extent. It feels inherently wrong for things to go sour in the lives of people who seem to deserve better. And frankly, we often believe we ARE those people. Especially in cases where we’ve turned a corner, learnt a lesson, made things right, or paid our dues.

The Highs

You may be familiar with the story in Genesis of Jacob wrestling with God. It takes place 20 years after Jacob fled from his brother as a fugitive. During those 20 years Jacob, manipulated his circumstances whenever possible for his own benefit. Jacob was a deceiver. That is the literal meaning of his name, Deceiver. He was selfish and self-seeking, and did all he could to ensure he ended up on top.

Well, on the eve of being reunited with his brother, Jacob is scared. He is no longer a lone wolf travelling on his own, but the husband of too many wives, the father to lots of children, and the entrepreneur of a thriving livestock business. Needless to say, he had a lot more to lose if things went south between him and his brother, Esau.

In fear of facing Esau in the morning, Jacob settles everyone for the night and he finds himself face to face with God instead. As a man who will win at any cost, Jacob is determined to win this wrestling match with this supernatural being, only to discover that losing to God can be a good thing!

His life is spared, He is given a new name, Israel, which means struggles with God, and he’s given a limp because God injured his hip socket. Jacob calls the place Peniel, which means face of God – for He saw the face of God, and lived.

For someone who was so fearful about facing his brother, Jacob was humbled and renewed by facing God instead, and was therefore able to face his brother, Esau, too.

It’s an incredible story. And I’m not doing it justice by paraphrasing it, so I encourage you to read it for yourself in Genesis 32. I don’t intend to keep us in suspense, so suffice it to say that the family reunion went off without a hitch.

Jacob and Esau greeted each other with brotherly love, tears of joy, and a warm embrace. They were both gracious, generous, and humble. A beautiful story of restoration, if there ever was one.

The Lows

Unfortunately, this isn’t where I wanted to land today. I wish it was. I wish we could always end on a high — leaping from one mountaintop to the next. But that’s not life. And sadly, many of us Christians think that it should be, simply because we follow Jesus.

Instead, we’re turning the page in Genesis. The next chapter is a horrific story within the sensitive topic of rape. So please consider this your disclaimer.

I had discovered the tragic story of Jacob’s daughter, Dinah, many years ago. But it was only recently that I realized its proximity to Jacob’s wrestling match and family reunion.

To me, this is extremely significant.

So, after things go well between Jacob and Esau, Jacob pitches his tent and sets up an altar, calling it, El Elohe Israel, meaning: Mighty is the God of Israel.

This seems like a no-brainer. It’s the kind of moment that warrants an altar or monument or tattoo with the phrase Mighty is the God of Israel. Heck, I’d slap that on my skin too if God did all that in my life!

Can you picture it? You have this incredible encounter with God. Perhaps you even have a specific, personal experience you can draw on here! A heavily spiritual moment that changed you and changed your relationship with God. Maybe you felt like a whole new person, with a whole new name and outlook on life. You finally KNEW God, not just knew about Him, and now riding the high of that mountaintop experience.

But it didn’t stop there. Maybe you then received the answer to a huge prayer. Perhaps a physical healing, or like Jacob, a restored relationship with a loved one that was previously fractured.

Unfortunately, as we read on, we discover that mountaintops are not immune to gravity, or to the gravity of hardship. Sometimes we tumble down, down, down.

For Jacob, the low came in the form of a man violating his daughter, Dinah. Genesis 34 is a standalone chapter in the story of Jacob where his daughter heads into town to make acquaintances with the women of their new home. Dinah is noticed by the son of the ruler of the area, and he rapes her.

In response, two of Dinah’s brothers, Simeon and Levi, acted on the philosophy that two wrongs do in fact make a right, and proceed to attack the unsuspecting city, killing every male.

The whole story is just one horrific event after another, and you can probably guess why Genesis 34 doesn’t usually make the cut for children’s Bibles.

Should I rise or should I fall, You were faithful through it all

What was hard for me to come to terms with in all this, is that after Jacob finally got his act together… After he finally quit depending on his own wits and scheming to get his way. After he finally knew God in a personal way, and not secondhand from his parents. After he finally submitted in humility to what God was doing in his life. After he came to a place of peace and restored relationship with Esau.

After all this… shouldn’t Jacob continue living in the Lord’s favour?
Hadn’t he learnt all the important life lessons and was ready to follow God in blessing?
Hadn’t he earned some time on the mountaintop?

Instead, tragedy befalls his family quicker than it took us to turn the tissue paper pages of his story. His vulnerable daughter is violated. And the vengeance taken by his two sons, brings even more harm to Jacob’s family as a result.

It’s just not the unfolding story any of us would ever hope for. But it’s life.

Here are some takeaways from this:

  • Choosing to follow God doesn’t mean endless mountaintop moments.
  • Choosing to follow God doesn’t mean we are shielded from the effects of a broken world
  • Choosing to follow God doesn’t mean our children are spared from hardship.
  • Choosing to follow God doesn’t mean our children will make the right choices either.

In the end, it really is about our choice. Do we choose God? Even in the lows?

He is always, ALWAYS faithful to us and chooses us. But each of us has to decide if He is worth it. It can be scary to acknowledge that the things we might fear will happen to us or our loved ones, very well may happen anyway.

I would have fully expected that Jacob’s life would have gone swimmingly after he finally encountered God in that wrestling match. Dinah’s tragedy proves this wasn’t the case for Jacob. But, He still chose God.

Do we still choose God in the highs AND in the lows?

What’s in the Ears

My favourite line of this song is: Should I rise or should I fall, You were faithful through it all. And He is. He really is faithful through all of it.

I don’t love the heaviness of this topic, but I wouldn’t be doing us any favours by pretending hardship is automatically lifted just because we follow Jesus. Do you have any thoughts on this? Please let me know in the comments or send me a message. And don’t forget to share with a friend!

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