Podcast version available on Apple Podcast, Spotify, and Anchor!

Every evening, after the kids finally settle for the night – or in my daughter’s case – settle for 3.5 seconds before she makes herself dramatically known to the world again – I have this inner battle over what to do with my freedom. Especially on evenings when my husband is out for work, I struggle between binging a show and spending time in God’s Word or in prayer.

Don’t hear what I’m not saying.

I’m not saying there’s anything inherently wrong with Selling Sunset or the latest trending Hallmark Christmas movie. It’s not sinful to stream a Rom Com, and you don’t go to hell for watching TV. That’s not the point.

The point is to answer the following question with unwavering conviction:

What is my goal?

• Is it to numb out until Netflix asks me (ever so passive-aggressively), “Hey! Are you conscious? Still watching?” RUDE! Yes, I am, OK?

• Or is my ultimate goal something bigger? Something…. deeper?

Saint Ignatius was the founder of the Jesuit Order. For all the bad rap they get for the many atrocities committed, their founder, Ignatius, was actually a man of deep devotion and profound commitment to Jesus. He emphasized an ardent love for the Saviour, and union with Jesus was his goal – or, deepest desire, if you will.

And herein lies the distinction we all must make.

The difference between our deepest desire and our strongest desire.

• The deepest desire is the thing you want in your very core. The desire that drives you. The desire that you arrange the rest of your life around.

• The strongest desire is the thing you want so badly. Often, right in the moment. An intense draw. A momentary pull. Fleeting, but overwhelming. Brief, but intoxicating. It can also be considered the surface desire. That impulsive thing you want at a superficial level.

Here are some examples of each:

Deepest desire:
To be more like Jesus.
To be a supportive spouse.
To be an attentive parent.
To be a reliable friend.
To be successful in my work.
To find fulfillment in my purpose.
To achieve a work/life balance.
To be a source of love, joy, peace, inspiration to those around me.

Strongest desire:
To be comfortable.
To have it easy, and to take it easy.
To enjoy the finer things in life (food, drink, entertainment, etc).
To be attractive.
To have financial security.
To be sought after.

Saint Ignatius argued:

The goal of our life is to live with God forever. The God who loves us and gave us life. Our only desire and our one choice should be this: I want and I choose what better leads to the deepening of God’s life in me.

In light of this, I recently came to a sobering realization.

I was driving home after a day of uneventful errands and feeling inexplicably anxious. There was so much unrest in my spirit and I found myself close to a panic attack. I couldn’t settle on why until it dawned on me:

• I am looking to so many things to sustain me. When nothing and no one but Jesus can. (Col. 1:17; Heb. 1:3)
• I want peace that passes understanding, but I don’t go to the Source of peace. (Phil. 4:6)
• I want joy beyond my circumstances, but I don’t go to the Source of joy. (James 1:2)
• I want to be loved unconditionally, but I don’t go to the One who IS love! (1 John 4:16)

We allow our strongest desires to dictate how we live our lives and fill our time. And then we wonder why we lack peace, or feel so unfulfilled.

A friend recently shared this example from her own life:

After a few days of feeling quite anxious over the state of our world. She realized she’d had AM radio droning on all day as a backdrop to her daily tasks.

Now, as we already established with everyone’s favourite streaming service, there isn’t anything inherently wrong with the radio.

But if my deepest desire is to see a deepening of God’s life in me, then I must be intentional to engage in activities that will do that. It’s that simple.

Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. ² Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. 

– Colossians 3:1-2

This manifests differently for everyone. Thankfully, God is so amazing to connect with each of us in ways that are unique to us. But I must still find out what that is!

⁹ And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, ¹⁰ so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, ¹¹ filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

– Philippians 1:9-11

I can’t sugarcoat it. Choosing to deepen God’s life in me requires sacrifice and discipline. These are not popular words in a culture whose mantra is: Treat yo’ self!

And yet, we see both applied in everyday life.

• Training for a marathon? You’ll deny yourself certain foods or activities to help prepare your body for the task.
• Got a big job interview? You’ll reschedule a social dinner the night before to ensure you get a good night’s sleep.
• Looking to move your growing family into a larger home? You’ll sacrifice day and night to save for a down payment.

Generally, we can agree with the concept of sacrificing small things for BIG goals.

But we must accept that our deepest desire, the one put in us by God, requires more than just discipline and sacrifice. It’s a dying to self that doesn’t make sense without His Spirit in us.

You have made us for Yourself, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in You.

– Augustine of Hippo

When nothing else makes sense, prioritizing God in us makes everything else make sense. Because as A. W. Tozer argues, God made us for Himself is the only explanation that satisfies the heart of any critical thinker.

Coming back to our original question: What’s my goal? Ignatius would encourage his pupils to ask this of themselves in a different way: What do I desire?

Let’s consider this too. What do I desire? And then just sit with that question. Bring it to the Lord. Let Him show you what is at the core of you. Is it Him? More of Him in your life?

Is your deepest desire to be all He made you to be? To fulfill all He created you for?

With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of His calling, and that by His power He may bring to fruition your every desire for goodness and your every deed prompted by faith.

– 2 Thessalonians 1:11

May our deepest desires be for Jesus. After all, He came to give us life! That we may have it in the fullest way possible. (John 10:10)

What’s in the Ears

From the highly recommended new album, Homecoming! This song talks about God’s love being deeper than just infatuation or the rush of something new… a love that’s weathered.

When you walk with Jesus long enough, you know it to be true.

How sweet it is to trust You, Jesus.
To know You, I mean really know You.

Where does this land for you? Does comparing deepest vs. strongest desires resonate with you? Enlighten you? Annoy you?
Let me know in the comments, send me a message, and feel free to share this with a friend too!

Podcast version available on Apple Podcast, Spotify, and Anchor!