Alt. title: Lazy Mom’s Guide to Avoiding Housework
If you’ve read any of my posts, and thought to yourself, “dang, that girl’s got her life together!”, you would be very, very wrong. Sure, I do plenty of things to make my life easier but that doesn’t mean they’re always the best things, the right things, or for the right reasons.
This post should help make that point.
I am a FIRM believer in kids doing chores and here’s why:
- Chores teach responsibility
- Chores foster a sense of community
- Chores help to avoid carelessness in daily habit-forming
- Sharing chores gives mom a break!
- I just can’t do it all
Here’s what I mean…
Chores Teach Responsibility
I think it would be pretty overwhelming to take on, for the first time ever, the daily task of caring for oneself all at once as an adult. It’s actually a priceless gift you can give your child when you give them more responsibility around your home little by little. This way, by the time they’re grown and independent, they will actually be independent!
[I’m no model parent when it comes to this part, but] giving them grace to make mistakes and try again is part of that learning process. When they succeed in little things, children become more confident in taking on bigger challenges as they grow and develop.
Chores foster as sense of community
Although there is a hierarchy in the home, because we do not operate as a democracy, we are still a part of a community. The family unit is the first community your child will be a part of. I don’t know about you, but it embarrasses me to imagine a scenario where my children are the selfish, self-centered slackers in their own future communities.
Helping them recognize that we all contribute to the harmony and wellbeing of our community from a young age will only help them carry that perspective into adulthood and into their future communities.
Chores help to avoid carelessness in daily habit-forming
This may sound like a mouthful, so here’s an example to clarify what I mean:
My boys work together to prepare their own breakfast each morning. I am rarely out of bed in time to do this for them or even supervisor the undertaking. When this first begun just over a year ago, a huge mess of milk, cereal, fruit, and utensils was left behind as evidence of their independence. Initially, I swooped in to clean up after the fact, but I quickly felt like this whole process defeated the purpose of “getting their own breakfast”!
Since they were not expected to clean up after themselves, they were careless in breakfast-making and defaulted to sloppy and wasteful habits. Now, that’s not to say that they don’t leave some mess, or that I expect a spotless kitchen when they’re done, or that I won’t tidy up after them either way. But the huge, careless messes they initially left went extinct quite quickly when they were suddenly responsible for some of the clean up too.
Sharing chores gives mom a break!
My friends, this category and the next are what I mean by not actually having my life together. I may be strict with my kids and have lots of rules, but the truth is that I’m not servant-hearted by nature. Serving my children and doing everything for them out of the kindness and love that pours out of my heart is just not me. Being a homemaker and and housewife doesn’t fulfill every fibre of my being, despite the fact that that’s been my daily reality for nearly eight years now.
To avoid growing resentful or burning out, I ask that my family share the load. And although the positive lessons I mentioned earlier are a big win in raising responsible, well-rounded adults, this, dear reader, is the real motivation behind the chores:
I. Simply. Don’t. Want. To. Do. It. All… I don’t!
I Can’t Actually Do It All
I’d like to think that I could take on more if I wasn’t also working from home part-time, but with things like maternity leave and vacation time, that’s proven to be a myth.
Despite being a pretty organized person, I also have relatively high standards for cleanliness, so it’s hard for me to juggle everything in my life when the load of housekeeping falls exclusively on my shoulders. I wish I was more resourceful and self-sufficient, but I know my limits, both physically and mentally, and I’m trying to get better at balancing out the structure of my day.
I also wish messes didn’t bother me as much as they do, but they do. So having my kids involved in maintaining some sense of order in our home has helped us all live in some version of harmony.
So if you’re wondering which chores are reasonable for your child to do and what that looks like, read on to see what’s worked for us.
Toddlers
- Pick up toys
- Put away toys
Even as young as 18 months, toddlers understand so much and are still young enough to think that “clean up” is a game. I wouldn’t categorize their contributions as “chores” necessarily, but more the development of a habit.
Toddlers can pick up items and put them easily in bins and boxes. So before bedtime (and sometimes before nap time, if the toys are scattered beyond what Mama can tolerate), we play a quick game of pick-up-the-toys, which has become a regular part of our routine.
Preschoolers
- Clean up and tidy up bedroom
- Clean up and tidy up play areas
For me, this age range is approximately 3-4 years old. At this age, our children are responsible for their bedrooms and playroom! Although I will step in when we want to rearrange or deep clean, the vast majority of clean up and tidying up falls on their shoulders. It’s never perfect, and often takes forever, but the bigger picture is about habit-forming and routine, rather than a perfectly neat space.
Early School Age
- Set and clear the table
- Laundry
- Lawn care (shadowing mowing and maintenance)
- Dusting
I’m looking at ages 5-8 in this category. Again, this is my own take on things, but I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the abilities I’ve seen develop in my own children since they started school (we’re now in our 5th school year, and they are in 1st and 3rd grade).
My two eldest are still relatively keen to contribute to house responsibilities, especially if the task makes them feel particularly grown up (chop veggies for dinner, prepare lunches for school, help mow the lawn, etc.). Although my eldest is starting to push back on some chores like laundry (he’s responsible for collecting everyone’s laundry and starting the machine), incentives like junky treats and screen time go a long way in getting his butt in gear, and there’s no shame in the bribing game.
Later School Age
- Mowing lawn
- School lunches
- Preparing parts of a family meal
- Vacuuming
This is uncharted territory for me, which is why I won’t speak into it much, so please keep that in mind as you read on. This category looks like preteen ages of 9-12 years old. From what I can already tell in my own kids, things like mowing the lawn and taking on school lunch-making exclusively would be high on the list of chores/responsibilities since they’re already being groomed for these tasks as I write this.
Beyond that, I’d say as teens (13-18 years old), my own kids will be responsible for bathroom cleaning and other things like that, but definitely don’t want to speak into that any further. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there. (Just pulling from my own life experience at that age!)
The early you start, the easier it is…
I’m a big believer in habit-forming.
Just like we don’t wait for children to be able to speak before we start speaking to them, I don’t wait until my children display a desire to help out around the house before I give them chores to do.
They learn as they go that being responsible for household chores is just part of our family dynamic. Since this has always been a part of their daily lives, they don’t push back too much. It’s all they know!
To pay or not to pay…
Should I be paying my kids for doing chores? Doesn’t that go against fostering a sense of community?
To put it as eloquently as I possibly can:
Meh..
Do what you gotta do.
My rule of thumb is this:
If it’s a big job, then they’ve earned a few bucks. Little tasks, like maintaining a clean room or clearing the table after dinner, are just part of a regular family life routine. Still, at the end of the day, do what works for you! Cash doesn’t have to be the incentive. Like I’ve mentioned already, screen time and junky treats have been working great as incentives in our house so far too.
My husband also set up an incentive chart where an accumulation of points earns the kids a few hockey cards. I mean, we’d buy them anyway. But this way they’ve earned them themselves and that gives them a big sense of accomplishment, ownership, and value of their hard-earned prize.
Think of something that will get your kids willing to help out around the house, that doesn’t also have you nagging them ceaselessly, and you’re both winning!
And in the end…
Please understand that the main reason my kids do regular chores is to keep my own sanity. The happy byproduct of their development is a bonus! So if you try it out and find it’s causing you more grief than before, don’t even bother! So much of motherhood is just survival. And for me, that looks like sharing the load of housework!
Bonus Tips
Race against the clock…….. Sometimes all we need is a 10 second timer to clean up as many books, toys, games, clothes etc. as we can in that timeframe. The thrill of the race gets us all moving pretty quick!
Race against each other…. When my boys are dragging their feet or complaining about a chore they don’t feel like doing, I make them race each other. Sometimes for a junky treat prize, sometimes for a high five, just depends. I know it doesn’t sound like the best parenting approach but I’ll go to extreme lengths to avoid doing a chore I’ve pawned off on my children, don’t @ me.
Race against Mum…………… Same idea here. But here’s an example: if I’m cleaning the kitchen and have asked my boys to do something they don’t feel like doing, or are taking a long time to get done, I bribe them with a treat if they can complete their task before I complete mine. In case it isn’t obvious, yes, I’m into bribing.
From The Overflow 