If you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen stories featuring gourmet meals prepared (exclusively!) by my husband for our date nights.

Sunday may be the Lord’s day, but it’s also “feed the kids scraps and put them to bed, so we can eat like kings” day!

I’m excited to share with you what our date nights look like, but before I do, here are some reasons why dating your spouse is a good idea!

• It is FUN!
  Obviously my husband and I are really cool parents, I’m not saying we’re not. But there’s a level of fun reserved for the kids, and there’s a level of fun reserved for adults, and it’s important to let that person out once in awhile, especially together!
  
• It keeps the romance alive!
  Connecting with your spouse one-on-one is an important way to keep the romance alive and create intimacy in your relationship. There’s just no guarantee it’ll happen without the intentional time carved out to do so because, kids.
  
• It creates a space for honest conversation!
  This has been critical for us. If we saved all our important conversations for “pillow talk”, we’d never get to them. I’m a morning person, and would love to chat the moment I wake up when I’m feeling fresh and have got a million things running through my mind. My husband is the opposite, and does all his best work and planning at night. We’re both dead to the world during each other’s prime time, so date night is the BEST time for us to talk through some of the heavier matters of the heart.

• It’s cheaper than therapy! … and way cheaper than divorce.
  I don’t want to appear insensitive about this one. The fact is that my husband and I have both been to see therapists and recognize the real need for that sometimes. I also believe that sometimes divorce is the healthiest and safest option for some married people. However, the vast majority of marital problems can be solved with honest, sincere, and respectful communication. Dating your spouse helps foster that communication, and is cheaper than the aforementioned pricier, and emotionally taxing options.
  
• It’s good for the kids!
  What we model for our kids by carving out these date nights is a PRICELESS gift. They very well know that Sunday nights are for grilled cheese sandwich dinners without us, and then a movie that’ll end past their bedtime. But much more importantly, they are given the security of seeing parents who take time for each other. And will hopefully follow that example in their own relationships.

So although the images in this post make it seem like it’s all about the food (which it kind of is), the commitment we’ve made to this weekly ritual has become a true anchor in our marriage, and has helped us weather many storms.

How we started date night in (y’know, as opposed to “out”):

• We just celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary (woohoo!!) but can’t say we took dating seriously until about 3 or 4 years ago.
• Before having kids, we were never intentional about carving out date nights because the need to connect without distractions wasn’t so desperado. Special dates were mostly reserved for birthdays and anniversaries.
• Once we had kids, we only went on dates whenever we could manage it. Again, sporadically, since our boys were babies less than 18 months apart.
• When we moved to Leamington, we lost the easy access to parent-sitters, so only went out for dinner dates when my parents were in town visiting – usually every other month.

Well, after facing some personal and professional challenges – on top of schedules that demanded so much of us – we recognized the need (and the benefit!) of carving out intentional one-on-one time to sit together over a meal.

We were out of excuses for why we couldn’t make it work. The usual “busy schedule/no sitters” routine had run its course, and we had to get creative in finding ways to have special, frequent, carved out, delicious time together as husband and wife.

So turns out I married a chef! A big reason why our date nights work for us is because my husband loves to cook. He actually finds it therapeutic, and enjoys the research aspect of finding good recipes and cooking videos on YouTube – especially by Gordon Ramsey. He then proceeds to try to duplicate the complex, multi-step, culinary delights.

If I was responsible for our date night meals, I’ll just lay it on you right now – we’re not eating.

I don’t enjoy cooking.

I’m not good at it.

And the thought of preparing any kind of elaborate meal does not appeal to me in the least.

So this is what Sundays look like for us:

• Church in the morning!
• Afternoon quiet time/ nap time/ Mom and Dad alone time… shhhhhh.
• Sunday drive to pick up Starbucks and visit by the water (this has been my favourite family activity whilst in quarantine).
• Early dinner for the kids, which is usually scraps of blah whatever… doesn’t matter. The goal is to no longer be hungry. This is generally my approach to every meal.
• While I’m taking care of the kids’ dinner, bedtime, movie night for the boys, etc….
• …my husband starts working on dinner, which usually involves seasoning, searing, sautéing, and the almighty YouTube.
• Once kids are settled-ish, I join my husband with a glass of wine and jazz standards on Spotify. And date night officially begins!

A big part of our date night is the time we simply spend together talking uninterrupted, while my husband cooks. Even though all the kids are still up, they are no longer welcome in the kitchen. Wine is pouring, music is blaring (at a low rumble because, kids), and the world stops just for us.

Ok, I’m probably making it sound more romantic than it really is… but the truth is that we really do look forward to this time together a lot. It doesn’t always go perfectly or smoothly. Our daughter isn’t a great sleeper. And although we put her to bed early, she doesn’t usually fall asleep until about 3 hours after her bedtime. She spends most evenings chatting, singing, and whining. Hence why we blare music to drown her out! The boys inevitably interrupt us mid-meal, to be tucked in after their movie is finished. But again, these are the small prices we pay for intimate time together.

If we waited for all the stars to align for sitters and a dinner reservation, we would rarely go on a date.

Besides that, paying a sitter and eating out add up fast, and we’d rather spend that money elsewhere!

So to actually have a special meal on a budget, we like to get quality cuts of meat from local butchers. There are three in our area that my husband likes to buy from. If you’re local, check them out!

Favourite local butchers:

– Bradt’s Butcher Block
– Ordonez Butcher Shop
– Butcher of Kingsville

Sometimes we supplement part of our meal with sides like takeout french fries. Birdie’s Perch near Point Pelee is our favourite for takeout fries.

So, neither you or your spouse feel like cooking for date night, but also don’t want to spend all your money on a pricy meal? Read on if you’re strapped for a sitter, on a budget, or both!

Alternatives to date night that are not elaborate, fancy, or break the bank!

Of course, going out for a meal is great, and even the ideal. But maybe you and your partner don’t like food (if that’s even possible), or at the very least, maybe you don’t like cooking (very relatable). So here are some alternatives:

• Order in!
  While making a meal from scratch would be the most inexpensive option, ordering in, or picking up takeout and buying your own booze is still cheaper than eating at a restaurant. The amount you’ll save on drinks alone is worth it! So enjoy that takeout meal at home, and bonus, you can feel good about your good deed of social distancing during this pandemic while you do.
  
• Dessert date!
  If you love the dining out experience but want to save some money, eat at home and head out for dessert! It’s really easy to tune out the kids when you’re not even home, and dessert dates are an inexpensive way to do that. Sometimes a change of scenery and the romantic ambiance of a restaurant is the little thing you need to cultivate a romantic experience. Alternatively, you could pick up dessert to go or make it to enjoy at home too.

• Games night!
  Contrary to what these photos tell you, a date doesn’t have to be all about the food. If you enjoy playing the sorts of games that are not full of drama, betrayal, or heart break, then carve out time together to do just that! (Play actual games, I mean.) It’s been said that laughter is the best medicine. Laughing with your spouse is especially therapeutic, and games nights help foster that fun, easy vibe.
  
• Get. Out. Side!
  If you love being outdoors, make time to get out on a boat, take a walk in nature, go on a hike, or sit by the water. Basically, whatever you enjoy doing outside, make time to enjoy it together!

Final remarks on date night:

Some of my most favourite memories made with my husband have been over meals we’ve shared in our kitchen, just the two of us. Dancing, laughing, crying, laugh-crying, etc.

Time is going by so so quickly. Especially with kids! I can’t imagine where our relationship would be if we were not taking the time to enjoy each other’s company, and actually get to know more about each other in this casual but intentional way. If you’re decades into your own marriage, it’s not too late to give it a go! Find a way to make it work for you, and I’m so sure it’ll be worth your while.

Do you have any favourite go-to date night traditions or suggestions? Please share them! I’d love to hear from you!