If you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen stories featuring gourmet meals prepared (exclusively!) by my husband for our date nights.
Sunday may be the Lord’s day, but it’s also “feed the kids scraps and put them to bed, so we can eat like kings” day!
Prime rib roast prepared by the chef
I’m excited to share with you what our date nights look like, but before I do, here are some reasons why dating your spouse is a good idea!
Stuffed peppers
It is FUN! Obviously my husband and I are really cool parents, I’m not saying we’re not. But there’s a level of fun reserved for the kids, and there’s a level of fun reserved for adults, and it’s important to let that person out once in awhile, especially together!
It keeps the romance alive! Connecting with your spouse one-on-one is an important way to keep the romance alive and create intimacy in your relationship. There’s just no guarantee it’ll happen without the intentional time carved out to do so because, kids.
It creates a space for honest conversation! This has been critical for us. If we saved all our important conversations for “pillow talk”, we’d never get to them. I’m a morning person, and would love to chat the moment I wake up when I’m feeling fresh and have got a million things running through my mind. My husband is the opposite, and does all his best work and planning at night. We’re both dead to the world during each other’s prime time, so date night is the BEST time for us to talk through some of the heavier matters of the heart.
It’s cheaper than therapy!… and way cheaper than divorce. I don’t want to appear insensitive about this one. The fact is that my husband and I have both been to see therapists and recognize the real need for that sometimes. I also believe that sometimes divorce is the healthiest and safest option for some married people. However, the vast majority of marital problems can be solved with honest, sincere, and respectful communication. Dating your spouse helps foster that communication, and is cheaper than the aforementioned pricier, and emotionally taxing options.
It’s good for the kids! What we model for our kids by carving out these date nights is a PRICELESS gift. They very well know that Sunday nights are for grilled cheese sandwich dinners without us, and then a movie that’ll end past their bedtime. But much more importantly, they are given the security of seeing parents who take time for each other. And will hopefully follow that example in their own relationships.
Kids eating their early dinner of scraps on date night
So although the images in this post make it seem like it’s all about the food (which it kind of is), the commitment we’ve made to this weekly ritual has become a true anchor in our marriage, and has helped us weather many storms.
Homemade burgers with a fried egg, caramelized onion, bacon, avocado, and the usual fixings, with a side of homemade fries
How we started date night in (y’know, as opposed to “out”):
We just celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary (woohoo!!) but can’t say we took dating seriously until about 3 or 4 years ago.
Before having kids, we were never intentional about carving out date nights because the need to connect without distractions wasn’t so desperado. Special dates were mostly reserved for birthdays and anniversaries.
Once we had kids, we only went on dates whenever we could manage it. Again, sporadically, since our boys were babies less than 18 months apart.
When we moved to Leamington, we lost the easy access to parent-sitters, so only went out for dinner dates when my parents were in town visiting – usually every other month.
Steak, asparagus, and homemade calamari
Well, after facing some personal and professional challenges – on top of schedules that demanded so much of us – we recognized the need (and the benefit!) of carving out intentional one-on-one time to sit together over a meal.
We were out of excuses for why we couldn’t make it work. The usual “busy schedule/no sitters” routine had run its course, and we had to get creative in finding ways to have special, frequent, carved out, delicious time together as husband and wife.
Homemade tortilla shellsPulled pork tacos with homemade garnish sauce
So turns out I married a chef! A big reason why our date nights work for us is because my husband loves to cook. He actually finds it therapeutic, and enjoys the research aspect of finding good recipes and cooking videos on YouTube – especially by Gordon Ramsey. He then proceeds to try to duplicate the complex, multi-step, culinary delights.
If I was responsible for our date night meals, I’ll just lay it on you right now – we’re not eating.
I don’t enjoy cooking.
I’m not good at it.
And the thought of preparing any kind of elaborate meal does not appeal to me in the least.
Eggs Benedict with steak, asparagus, and homemade hollandaise sauce
So this is what Sundays look like for us:
Church in the morning!
Afternoon quiet time/ nap time/ Mom and Dad alone time… shhhhhh.
Sunday drive to pick up Starbucks and visit by the water (this has been my favourite family activity whilst in quarantine).
Early dinner for the kids, which is usually scraps of blah whatever… doesn’t matter. The goal is to no longer be hungry. This is generally my approach to every meal.
While I’m taking care of the kids’ dinner, bedtime, movie night for the boys, etc….
…my husband starts working on dinner, which usually involves seasoning, searing, sautéing, and the almighty YouTube.
Once kids are settled-ish, I join my husband with a glass of wine and jazz standards on Spotify. And date night officially begins!
Birdie’s Perch near Point Pelee for the best takeout perch tacosHomemade steak tacos with takeout fries from Birdie’s Perch. Their fries remind us of “greasy spoon” Quebec poutine
A big part of our date night is the time we simply spend together talking uninterrupted, while my husband cooks. Even though all the kids are still up, they are no longer welcome in the kitchen. Wine is pouring, music is blaring (at a low rumble because, kids), and the world stops just for us.
Ok, I’m probably making it sound more romantic than it really is… but the truth is that we really do look forward to this time together a lot. It doesn’t always go perfectly or smoothly. Our daughter isn’t a great sleeper. And although we put her to bed early, she doesn’t usually fall asleep until about 3 hours after her bedtime. She spends most evenings chatting, singing, and whining. Hence why we blare music to drown her out! The boys inevitably interrupt us mid-meal, to be tucked in after their movie is finished. But again, these are the small prices we pay for intimate time together.
Our 2nd annual New Year’s Eve tradition: tuna tartar and sparkling wine to ring in the new year
If we waited for all the stars to align for sitters and a dinner reservation, we would rarely go on a date.
Besides that, paying a sitter and eating out add up fast, and we’d rather spend that money elsewhere!
So to actually have a special meal on a budget, we like to get quality cuts of meat from local butchers. There are three in our area that my husband likes to buy from. If you’re local, check them out!
Behind the scenes prep: searing the steak before grilling (Date night hack: split a huge steak – it’s cheaper!)
Sometimes we supplement part of our meal with sides like takeout french fries. Birdie’s Perch near Point Pelee is our favourite for takeout fries.
Steak, asparagus, lobster tails, and Yorkshire pudding
So, neither you or your spouse feel like cooking for date night, but also don’t want to spend all your money on a pricy meal? Read on if you’re strapped for a sitter, on a budget, or both!
Homemade pizza (dough from scratch)
Alternatives to date night that are not elaborate, fancy, or break the bank!
Of course, going out for a meal is great, and even the ideal. But maybe you and your partner don’t like food (if that’s even possible), or at the very least, maybe you don’t like cooking (very relatable). So here are some alternatives:
Lamb shank
Order in! While making a meal from scratch would be the most inexpensive option, ordering in, or picking up takeout and buying your own booze is still cheaper than eating at a restaurant. The amount you’ll save on drinks alone is worth it! So enjoy that takeout meal at home, and bonus, you can feel good about your good deed of social distancing during this pandemic while you do.
Dessert date! If you love the dining out experience but want to save some money, eat at home and head out for dessert! It’s really easy to tune out the kids when you’re not even home, and dessert dates are an inexpensive way to do that. Sometimes a change of scenery and the romantic ambiance of a restaurant is the little thing you need to cultivate a romantic experience. Alternatively, you could pick up dessert to go or make it to enjoy at home too.
Koi Sushi tastes like some of the best stuff we’ve had in Montreal! This says a lot about a small town sushi joint. 10/10 would recommend.
Games night! Contrary to what these photos tell you, a date doesn’t have to be all about the food. If you enjoy playing the sorts of games that are not full of drama, betrayal, or heart break, then carve out time together to do just that! (Play actual games, I mean.) It’s been said that laughter is the best medicine. Laughing with your spouse is especially therapeutic, and games nights help foster that fun, easy vibe.
Get. Out. Side! If you love being outdoors, make time to get out on a boat, take a walk in nature, go on a hike, or sit by the water. Basically, whatever you enjoy doing outside, make time to enjoy it together!
Grilled cedar plank salmon with steamed beans and rice
Final remarks on date night:
Some of my most favourite memories made with my husband have been over meals we’ve shared in our kitchen, just the two of us. Dancing, laughing, crying, laugh-crying, etc.
Time is going by so so quickly. Especially with kids! I can’t imagine where our relationship would be if we were not taking the time to enjoy each other’s company, and actually get to know more about each other in this casual but intentional way. If you’re decades into your own marriage, it’s not too late to give it a go! Find a way to make it work for you, and I’m so sure it’ll be worth your while.
Just me and the chef, waiting on a couple of steaks
Do you have any favourite go-to date night traditions or suggestions? Please share them! I’d love to hear from you!
[Alt. title] A Collaborative Mother’s Guide to Self-Care
I am still blown away by all the amazing entries and feedback on my last post (which you can read here: https://fromtheoverflow.home.blog/2020/06/26/the-mother-of-all-posts-a-post-on-motherhood/). This time around, I can’t wait for you to be inspired by what those same mothers do for self-care and to recharge. A few have also added their own words of wisdom which has been so valuable to me, and I am certain will bless you as well.
Here is my contribution to get us started:
I do a lot of things to recharge, but the common thread between them all is that my children are not around for any of my go-to options… unless we are doing something as a family and my husband can take the parenting lead. For the best possible start to my day, I spend my mornings scripture-reading and prayer-journalling before my kids are up. Reading historical novels, writing for this blog, or a binge-worthy series on Netflix help me unwind during evenings when I crave alone time. Alternatively, an evening out with girlfriends, or date nights with my husband are my two favourite ways to fill up as an extrovert.
Raising a glass to you, mamas!
Read on for more from these incredible mothers…
To recharge I need time to myself, it doesn’t have to be doing anything special or specific. The second I close his door at nap time or bedtime, I so look forward to that. I also take a bath almost every night, and have kept that up.
It is so important for me that I get a bit of time every morning to myself to spend in prayer and studying my Bible. Listening to a good parenting podcast or reading a good parenting book always helps me to refocus as well!
To recharge, I usually go see friends. I’m an extrovert, so seeing others and getting out, away from the kids, is how I refuel and get energized. This has been very difficult to do these past months obviously, so I’m feeling the strain and feel like I’m on the verge of burnout.
Hanging out with other parent friends! More specifically with those who have kids in the same age group and gender, and who share the same values. I’m an introvert, but definitely need my social life. I feel sooooo much better when I don’t feel crazy. When another parent tells me they’re going through the same things as me, I’m less anxious about it. ‘Your daughter says that to you too!! Oh my gosh me too!! It drives me nuts!!’ Yes, misery loves company! I’m also a less angry mom when I realize that my daughter’s eye rolling is not a sign that I have failed as a mother.
Recharging doesn’t happen very often at moment as we’ve just moved house (I know- crazy!) but I do love to go on a walk or sit and enjoy some chocolate and TV with hubby! Changing into pyjamas definitely helps too!!!
To recharge I like to exercise. Walk, run, bike or do at home workouts. I also like to read, and have made more time for it this year. My one-on-one with hubby is also super important to me, so we make that a priority.
I try to find time for myself every night where I stop everything and just lay down, grab my iPad and watch a show with a glass of wine.
To recharge, I need to be by myself and have God realign my thinking and put my head on straight so I can function outside of my natural way of dealing with life.
Travel, travel, and travel! Before Covid-19, I would travel twice a year for a few days. To unwind, I like to sleep in and have a late breakfast. It’s such a luxury!
Making sure I get a good night’s sleep is the most important. It always helps when I’m reading a good book. Getting lost in a fiction novel is a good way for me to disconnect my brain from the real world if only for a chunk of time. Finding what really calms me (and taking the time to do it!) has been an exciting feat for me this year because it was necessary in order to balance my home and work life as I was having anxiety attacks. Here is my list (Right away I start with my daily meditation/prayer reading) 1- Going for a walk listening to my favourite music 2- Writing in my journal 3- Tidying up/organizing one small area of the house 4- Watching an episode of Seinfeld 5 – Reading a novel or Oprah magazine.
BONUS TIPS: Every child is SO different, so no matter how many books you’ve read or courses you’ve taken, your children will always manage to throw major curve balls and challenge you in the areas you once thought you’d be an expert at! Ha! So being open to learning more and more everyday about each of my children has been a challenge and a blessing. Everyday we all learn something new… it’s an amazing adventure!
To recharge in the evenings, I usually take a bath, read a book, watch some Netflix or work on a sewing project. Last year a group of my mom friends/sewing group rented a cottage in the Alps. We spent the weekend sewing, eating, enjoying the views, and having great conversations. We all felt so refreshed and renewed that we have decided to make it an annual event.
Recharging? I’ll let you know when I figure it out… because I don’t actually think about recharging. At least I don’t think I do it intentionally. I know for me… when I’m stressed, I like to clean and organize. I feel a sense of relief and accomplishment when I do. I know that I have to find a better way to recharge…. and I will…. when I have the time. Lol.
Recharging? That is something I neglected for years. I was a mom at 24, and only at 36 could I honestly say I started doing things just for me! I recharge with actually scheduling self-care! I’ll go for a walk and listen to a podcast. I’ll get my nails done or go for a massage. The key is that I leaned not to feel guilty about it. Before that, even if I did these things, I felt guilty. Now recharging is a key part of motherhood for me.
Taking time alone, even if it’s a 5 minute tea/coffee break or a 30 minute walk. Doing something alone recharges my mind, soul and body. This has taken some time to do. I’ve felt guilty in the past by wanting alone time. But now I’ve realized it’s something I need in order to be a better mom and wife.
Alone time was what I needed at first. Now that the kids are older (11 and 13 years old), I have a lot more freedom to actually do the things I love, rather than strive for an hour alone in a hidden corner. It took me until the age of (gulp) 38 to realize that I deserve to fill my day with joy rather than simply carve out an empty hollow to breathe in for a minute. I don’t know if it was the kids getting older or me getting older. But this was an amazing realization. I deserve joy too!
I love to exercise and get outdoors and active with my family.
To recharge and stay encouraged in my journey as a parent, I do several things. I wake up before the kids to read a verse for the day and then listen to a devotional online while working out. It helps my mind get to a place of being the best mom I can be. Also, my mom and I have a tradition of having a “date” every few months. We usually spend the day shopping together, enjoy a nice lunch, and catch up on what’s happening in our lives. When I come back home to my family after a day with her, I always feel encouraged and motivated.
First pic was me at my most exhausted, recovering from a second c-section, breastfeeding woes and a toddler. So tired, yet soooo happy. Second pic, Thomas 5yrs old, Owen 2 yrs old.
I like to recharge by getting back to the basics – baking bread, growing plants, taking walks in nature, reading books, and spending time with good friends. I like to spend time appreciating the simple things, working to put things in perspective, and practicing mindfulness regarding contentment and happiness. Pre-COVID, I loved going to restaurants sans kids.
Meditation is currently my recharging vice.
I like to do my devotions at the top of morning (the kids are sometimes awake but I leave them in their rooms until I’ve done at least 20-30 mins of Bible reading/prayer)
I usually like to nap even if it’s just 30 mins while my kids nap! (when I’m home/not working)
I like to read, again, sometimes only 15-20 mins while the kids nap
I like to watch TV at night with my husband for some down time
I like to go out BY MYSELF even if it’s just to the grocery store or somewhere more exciting like Winners lol.
I wish I had known from the beginning how important self-care is. Since my earlier years of motherhood, I have experimented with several self-care practices. There are a few that are a good fit for me in this season of my life. The first has to do with my appearance. I’m a people-pleaser and will put others needs before my own every single time. Starting my day taking care of my grooming is a way I can guarantee some “me” time. My skincare routine is just a simple way to remind myself that I’m worth the effort. The second has to do with my passions. I love singing, always have. And this season of my life is no exception. I sing with a ladies ensemble in my community. The group has helped me so much. I’m safe there, and I can let my heart soar when I sing. Plus singing has some amazing physical and emotional benefits. Since the pandemic hit we have not been able to meet, so I’ve signed up for online voice training. There is an online community for us so we can get to know each other and encourage one another. Thirdly, I sought help. I’ve had counselling, and even used medication. I was afraid of the stigma at first, but quickly realized that I was not super girl. I am so grateful to the friend who encouraged me to reach out for help.
Honestly, I most naturally turn to Netflix and desserts to recharge. While these do give me temporary comfort and relaxation, and I love them, they do little to recharge my soul, or give deep rest. Going to bed early, good talks with my husband, and time steeping in the Word of God are where I find that. We can’t give what we don’t have. When I try to give of my own cup, the feeling of running dry follows pretty quickly. So if I want to give my daughter and family selfless love, grace, patience, kindness, etc., I need to receive these first from God. And he gives in abundance when we take the time to let him fill our cups.
My favourite thing to do to recharge is to spend time with my husband. It doesn’t need to be an elaborate date or getaway either – although both of those sound lovely! It can be watching TV after the kids are asleep, going for a walk outside with the dog, or getting together with our friends. As much as I adore my kids, I think it’s so important to spend time just as husband and wife, too.
My most effective way to recharge are my worship walks or baths. Though truthfully I also run to Netflix and social media often to escape when it feels like a lot. But those outlets never actually recharge me.
I recharge by taking breaks during the day to get quick moments of satisfaction. This could be a phone or FaceTime call with someone, binge-worthy show, a drive listening to a podcast, and always good food and drinks. This can also be a negative as so many quick fixes to satisfaction aren’t healthy for mind or body but the higher quality things are more challenging lately (long periods of time with spouse or a friend / meal out / walk alone / vacation).
I’m pretty chatty in person, and have a talk-all-the-time kind of job with my Kinders, but I’m pretty introverted, so I recharge by spending time alone, usually doing some kind of art with the TV on in the background and my cats nearby. Or I take a walk with my mom and daughter, who are my very best friends.
My morning coffee and Bible on the deck recharges me. I also fill up from a walk, podcast, fiction novel, good chat on the phone, and a handful of chocolate chips.
Reading, praying, going for walks, spending time with my husband, friends and family, or just leaving the house for any reason, are all ways that I recharge.
Disclaimer: I wish I had more time to do any of the following things: exercising, going for a run, or taking part in a hot yoga class all fill me up. Recently, since spending more time at home, I’ve taken to reading more, which I forgot could also fill my soul. I’m an English teacher, so reading for pleasure is definitely a privilege that I don’t get too often. I have also had the opportunity recently to start playing the piano again. As a child and teenager I went to Grade 4 Classical Piano with the Royal Conservatory of Music and honestly have just abandoned it along the way to adulthood and motherhood. It’s been nice to tap back into these things slowly as the kids get a little older and a little more independent.
When I’m needing some “me” time, I arrange a day with the hubs where he’s free to cover the at-home duties. I head to the mall, armed with my journal and a good pen. I shop around a bit, and eventually stop for either coffee or lunch, pull out my journal, write, and people-watch. For me, this is totally refreshing!
I always need to decompress before bed and do something to take my mind off the next day’s tasks. This can be reading or watching my favourite shows. I also need to get out and see friends and do different things outside the house as a family or date nights to get a good balance and to spend some time away from home as I’m here so much! I also need some quiet time to recharge during the day. This is usually while my kiddos nap. When one kiddo was in school before Covid, I still took advantage of nap time to catch up on everything and still have energy for everything else in life that requires my time and attention. But with this new normal of both kiddos at home, taking the time to recharge is essential!!
What do I do to recharge? Quality time with my girlfriends! Oh, and naps! My friends and I try our best to spend a weekend together every now and then, or even an afternoon, and this does wonders for my mental health. Not all of us have kids so it’s nice to gather and talk about something other than motherhood. I also take naps and sleep in any chance I get. Thanks to a very supportive husband who knows that sleep recharges me.
To recharge as a mom, I MUST get up early. At least an hour before my kids, ideally. If I can have some alone time, get myself ready for the day, go for a little walk, spend a few minutes with Jesus, empty the dishwasher…. my day is 100% better. If I wake up at the same time as my kids, I feel like I am always trying to catch up and it’s much more stressful. I don’t have a strict morning routine where I do the exact same things in the same order each morning, it’s always different. As long as I have some time to myself before they need me, I’m OK.
How do I recharge? I find the thing that has made the biggest impact in my life is to set an alarm and get up before my kids every morning. This way I get to take a shower, make some tea, light a candle, and start some sort of quiet time before they wake up. I really enjoy going for a walk and listening to my favourite podcasts once the kids go to bed at night or try to enjoy a tea in the afternoon while the kids have quiet time. Being able to connect with friends is also a way that I recharge.
TO RECHARGE, I TRY TO SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY OR JUST SPEND TIME BY MYSELF, REFLECTING ON THE GOOD THINGS I’VE DONE AS A MOM AND THANKING JESUS FOR BLESSING ME WITH TWO BEAUTIFUL, SMART CHILDREN. ALSO DIVING INTO A GOOD NETFLIX SERIES, AFTER THE KIDS GO TO BED, IS DEFINITELY A GREAT WAY TO RECHARGE!!
When tired and overwhelmed I try to read, and I love to sleep. I don’t have a big social circle and don’t like to speak about my worries to friends. My husband is my best friend and together we always talk things out. This always helps recharge me as I am never feeling alone when with him. My two very good high school friends are also excellent mind-readers and love to call me out when they feel I have stretched myself too thin, or am, in fact, losing myself in my role as a mom. We plan a weekend trip once a year and regardless of the state I am going into on our mini getaway, I always come back feeling recharged!
Time alone – whether going on walks, reading, playing piano, doing a short devotional or prayer time, enforcing daily quiet time where all the kids are either napping, reading or watching something so that I can catch my breath and reorganize my thoughts.
Although I am becoming more of an extrovert, I am ultimately very much an introvert. I recharge by taking time alone to do my hobbies and talk to Jesus or with quiet one on one quality time and conversation with my husband or trusted confidante. I have a tendency to overanalyze almost everything so talking to someone who truly knows my heart helps me sort my thoughts and bring peace to my chaos.
To recharge, I very much need the hour or two after our daughter goes to bed to just sit and not be needed for anything. That’s when Dave and I get to have time together. Or if he’s working, that’s when I can actually read a book or just crawl into bed and relax.
Running! Over the last several weeks some friends and I started a run club with other women in my neighborhood. It’s seriously the best. Not only does it keep me accountable, but I’ve loved being challenged to run longer distances! We’re planning to train for a half marathon later this year. So, we’ll see!! I also have gotten into using Good Reads and utilizing our public library! 👌🏻
My morning routine is absolutely essential to a good day. Once I had kids, I had to find times to exercise, spend time with God, and recharge, that weren’t going to interfere with family or work life. For me, that meant getting up before the sun. Each morning I spend time exercising, reading my Bible, and connecting with God. Sometimes I can combine these things in an early morning run, and other times I meet friends at the gym at 5:30am (there are more of us than you know) and get a bit of social time in. These things fuel my day.
The best way for me to recharge at the end of the day used to be going to a kickboxing class. Being physically out of the house was the best way for me to clear my mind, and just spend that hour or two doing my own thing. I found exercising to be a great tool for me to recharge and even unwind, but with the current circumstances going for walks is the best alternative right now for me to recharge.
As a mom, I feel it is very important to allow time to recharge and regenerate. It makes me a better mom, a better wife, and a better person. During this time of COVID, I have found this a difficult task. I have found myself feeling guilty for asking for time alone. Feeling guilty for not being the best at doing school work, for allowing too much screen time, for not spending enough time outside, the list is endless. I allowed my personal time to fall to the wayside as my quest for perfection in these areas increased. This lead me down a road of increased anxiety and depression. I needed to get back to who I used to be before COVID started. I started to giving myself some extra allowances in these areas. I needed to recharge myself so I could be better for my family. I have slowly gotten back into my routine of daily workouts. The one hour I take for myself has helped improve my mood, and therefore helped my coping skills with all the added stressors. I believe it is important as moms to demonstrate self care to our children. They watch us everyday and learn habits, both good and bad, from us.
Lately to recharge, I have been going for walks in the evening while listening to worship music or a podcast. I know it sounds basic but it’s been such a great time to clear my mind and quiet myself without any distractions.
Working out is my way of recharging. I enjoy weight lifting, being at the gym, and doing workout classes with other moms. I cherish that time for myself away from the kids doing something that I love that keeps me healthy and energized. I definitely need it to keep up with my boys!
Skincare is definitely my go-to for unwinding. Just being able to close the bathroom door and be alone is a treat! Because as mothers we know that going to the bathroom by ourselves is not an easy feat. Although we love our kids; having that quiet space to do something we enjoy, or brings us joy, is very special – even if it’s just fifteen minutes.
I recharge many ways:
getting enough sleep at night, and I often a nap for 30-45 minutes while my 19 month old naps
read or listen to the Bible and pray/praise God
have my husband watch our son while go on jogs and occasionally when I spend time with other moms (less often now due to the pandemic)
get ready in the morning so I feel nice
Netflix evenings with my husband
monthly date nights
What I do to recharge? Hmm. I honestly don’t get time away from the kids, no babysitters or anything… and no date nights, ever! But we go on walks or hikes together to relax. I also have some free time once the kids are asleep to watch shows or binge on junk food! During the day to relax I turn on Hillsong Worship and just let it fill the house – singing and hearing the powerful lyrics really calms and uplifts me.
BONUS TIPS: Get plugged in. We move every 3 years and the first year is always pretty depressing and lonely for me. New area, unfamiliar roads, no friends, no home church, no sense of community, etc. Luckily I’m a social butterfly and enjoy meeting new people and go out of my way to do so. Even still, it does get tiring and it’s a lot of effort to “mom-date,” but totally necessary for your mental health! I find and join several mom groups in person and over Facebook (in the area I’m in), church groups, library events… anything! I meet a bunch of people in hopes of finding those select few that you really connect with and bonus if your husbands and kids connect too! Not having a home church is especially hard in the beginning as well, so definitely finding a church you can grow in, connect with other believers, serve with, and receive care and prayer from is a huge must.
With my first baby everything was new. Learning how to function with little sleep, breastfeeding, and a new routine, so for me, recharging was often just sitting down with a cup of coffee and watching something that would make me laugh – often my go-to was The Office. I find it really important to just have a good laugh once a day. With my second baby, she was the easiest baby but a very heavy sleeper (not complaining about that!) however it made it difficult to be able to leave the house, so after 6 months of being home all the time it can really get to you. I started carving out time for myself and going to the gym. I found this very helpful for me mentally and physically. That little bit of time at the gym was my time, and it allowed me to leave the house and be in a different environment.
BONUS TIPS: To all new moms, and seasoned ones, motherhood is hard! We have tough days and easy days, and I find it helpful to talk about the hard days with my mommy friends. It’s always reassuring to know I’m not the only one having a bad day. Truth is sometimes we need to be told that we’re doing a good job. So to the mom who’s reading this now , you’re doing a good job, you got this!
Anytime I manage to be either alone or with adults is hugely refreshing. Alone time might look like a walk around the neighbourhood or hiding in my room with tea and a book. Adult interaction might look like a weekly Bible Study, a girls night, dinner with another couple or just chatting with my husband. It’s all good and it’s all a brain-break from the usual household frenzy.
Being home with little kids means that I am rarely: 1. alone 2. with adults. I paint. I decorate. I listen to podcasts. I let myself be free and creative and in my zone. I get my husband to take the kids away (haha) and enjoy the quiet. I’m such an introvert and sometimes the constant talking in our house does a number on me. When I can just be quiet and hone in on my gifts, it reminds me that not only am I ‘Mom’, I’m also Cyndy!
The things I do to recharge change throughout the course of a year. It depends on the season and what is going on at the time in our week/ month/ year. I like to read and I feel recharged when I can find time to sit and read. My husband and I love going on dates, either for dinner, skiing, out for a nice drive, out for coffee or a walk in the neighbourhood. I also enjoy spending time with girl friends chatting and laughing.
BONUS TIPS: Your identity is rooted in who God says you are and your worth, through His eyes. Your identity is not dependent on the success of your kids, your marriage, or the amount of money and stuff you have. – Stop comparing yourself against the social media accounts of other moms. Social media accounts are the highlight reel and public face of someone’s life. It is not the everyday reality. – Your relationship with your spouse matters as much now as it will when all of the kids have moved out of the house. Work hard at your relationship today. – Take a step back to enjoy the blessings and highlights of each season.
I try to find some ‘me’ time. I spend some time alone and do the things that I enjoy. I read a book, I watch tv. I sometimes sit outside on my patio and enjoy the fresh air and the stillness around me. Sometimes with a drink in my hand (with a splash of alcohol lol).
To recharge, I enjoy long, meaningful talks with my mom, sister, and close friends about heart matters. I also enjoy evenings alone sitting at Starbucks, journaling and reading. Just time, really. Time alone. Out and about… or alone in the house with no kids so that I can have mind space, and a break from the weight, and the every moment angst.
To recharge, I exercise, journal, and spend time with friends. If those 3 things are lacking, I struggle hard!
Recharging during the pandemic has been very hard. I like to spend some time each afternoon laying on my bed listening to a podcast. Pre-pandemic, time with friends was often how I recharged. Dinner, a walk, coffee, a short trip. Time with my adult people is all I need to recharge.
I don’t do a lot right now to recharge because with three kids at home my time to recharge is usually after they are in bed. Once they are in bed, I spend a couple hours working on my Master’s degree or doing chores that need to be done. However, I am lucky to have a supportive husband who recognizes that I sometimes need a break from everything. So getting together with friends (often other moms) for a glass of wine or a walk are ways I like to recharge. I also like reading, so I try to read a chapter or two of a book before bed. I also try to workout 4-5 times a week. And I used to try to meditate, even for a short period of time, and write in my journal everyday. I haven’t really been doing those things lately, but I should start again. They were great ways to release any stress or anxiety I was feeling.
BONUS TIPS: The one thing I would probably share with other moms is that whatever you’re doing for your kids, as long as it’s keeping you sane and not hurting anyone, it’s the right thing. If you want to feed them PB & J sandwiches for dinner, do it. I used to have a bedtime snack of chips and Pepsi when I was a kid. And I turned out fine. Your sanity is more important than trying to be the “perfect” mom. There’s no such thing as the perfect mom. Just do your best, don’t be too hard on yourself, and know that whatever you are doing is enough.
As a stay at home home for the last six years, it has taken me some time to figure out what recharges me. I think the biggest learning I have had has a mom is to realize that my kids don’t need me 100% of the time, and it is good, even healthy, to have time apart. Mom guilt can be so real. Learning to take time away has been a learning process! Recharging for me is a long walk, a phone call with a friend or sometimes just sitting to journal uninterrupted. Whatever it is, I have realized the incredible value it brings to me and my entire family, and therefore prioritizing that time is one of the most important things I strive to do as part of a regular routine.
I don’t know about you, but I am feeling refreshed just reading all these. I’m reminded of the incredible value of taking time for self-care and to recharge as mothers. And not just for ourselves, but for the benefit of our families as well!
Care to share your own self-care routine or recharging regimen? I’d love to hear from you!
From The Overflow 