Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know what an intense season we’re all currently living in. Because of this, I’ve been experiencing some writer’s block as I started putting together this week’s post.
You see, I’ve already shared all I want to on the Coronavirus, which you can read here: https://fromtheoverflow.home.blog/2020/04/08/coronavirus-confinement-one-womans-story/, and I’m not ready to share my thoughts on racial inequality just yet. Especially as a white chick, it’s just not my place to talk right now, but listen. Still, I want to be clear that I firmly stand with my Black brothers and sisters and fully support the fight for racial and social equality.
So what does that leave me with? Too many thoughts, and just can’t seem to narrow them down.
Well, I did what any clever writer would do, and this is: to outsource! I decided to write about motherhood. And since most of my readers identify as such, I asked some of you to share your thoughts on the topic.
For those who contributed, I am forever indebted to you for humouring me and this little blog. For sharing your stories, and sharing your hearts, and allowing me the honour of using this tiny platform to put it all out there.
Those who contribute to this post answered the following questions:
- What is the hardest part about motherhood?
- What do you do to recharge?
Because I want to honour the contributions of each mother, I’ve chosen to break up this topic into two posts. This post will focus ONLY on what’s difficult about motherhood. To read about what moms do to recharge, stay tuned for my next post!
Also, I just love how easily our shared experiences can resonate with people from all over the world.
Here are the various locations that my contributors call home!
- Austria
- California
- Connecticut
- Essex County
- Kitchener
- Montreal
- New York City
- Nova Scotia
- Oregon
- Ottawa
- Saskatchewan
- Scotland
- South Africa
- Switzerland
- Texas
- Toronto
*IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: These contributions are anonymous and not directly linked to the photos you see above or below them.
Without further ado, please read on for the thoughtful contributions from mothers I respect and admire. I’ve included my own response here:
On a practical level, motherhood just doesn’t come as naturally to me as I thought it would. My children range from ages 2-7 years and so far these ages are pretty damn needy! To be frank, I just don’t like that. Since I’m a stay-at-home mom, my daily battle all the live-long-day is laying down my own interests, desires, and preferences in order to meet the needs of my children.
Now, I’m not as selfless or servant-hearted as I should be, by any means. Those closest to me know that my kids are responsible for their own breakfast, cleaning up after the toddler, and doing everyone’s laundry. So while I’d rather spend my days, reading, eating, and blogging, I am forced to go against my natural inclinations and focus primarily on my children every day instead. I then inevitably fight guilt for not being more naturally drawn to the role of motherhood. As well as feeling guilty because motherhood just isn’t “enough” for me as I long to fill my days with more than just the kids.
The hardest parts for me about motherhood are the guilt and the worry. I feel guilty that I am not properly dividing my time amongst the kids. I feel guilty when I am a lazy mom and give the girls my iPad to play with when I need a break, rather than set them up with an activity. I feel guilty when I think I am not living up to the highlight reels shown on social media… Pretty much if there is a reason to feel guilty, then I feel it. And if I am not feeling guilty, I’m worrying. Am I doing enough as a mom to prepare my kids for life outside my house? Am I teaching them the values that Chris and I want them to learn in the best way possible? Am I giving them enough freedom to learn to be independent without unleashing them to the world too early? Are they going to be okay in school? Will they make smart choices? Oh my goodness, I could think of another hundred things that I worry about and really don’t have much control over. I love my kids so much, and I want to do all that I can so that they are happy and good kids.
There are two parts to this answer for me: 1) Accepting my need for space from my kid, without guilt! I’m an introvert so I get energized by having time to myself. I have a harder time accepting my introversion when it comes to my role as mother. 2) Fear: the shear amount of love you feel for your child… they are so much a part of you and for me, this comes with a lot of fear. Fear for their safety, health, wellbeing, and fear of letting go as they get older… the list goes on.
Wanting to protect your child from everything and anything, but also knowing that you can, and should, shelter only so much. It’s so hard to watch their little hearts break, or learning harder lessons in life.
- Feeling like I don’t have enough time with them since I work full time.
- Learning patience. I often get upset with them and start snapping when my patience is running thin.
Balance is the hardest. Balance in spending time with both my children. Doing activities with the eldest whilst the little one sleeps but also managing housework on top of all of that! My toddler has been enjoying helping with some wee house jobs which has been fun too but sometimes I look around the house and think ‘oh flip’ but the house just has to wait!
Also find it hard when things don’t go to plan! But that’s just life and all part of motherhood. Must remember to put my trust in God and remember the truth – cast all your burdens on Him.
The guilt I carry over everything. Do I do enough for them? Are they eating right? Stimulated enough? Behind in school? Happy?? The list goes on and on. You also can never turn off being a mother. Even if you are working, or on a trip far away, they will always be on your mind.
Letting go of the fact that the ultimate outcome of my child’s life is not in my hands, but in the Lord’s. I do my part, but whole it is God’s.
Finding the balance between being a mom and wife and setting the best example for them.
The hardest part about being a mother to a Black son, is keeping him innocence for as long as possible. Then, once he’s exposed to reality, the hard part comes in having to explain to him that even though anything my son will accomplish will be amazing in my eyes, it won’t be good enough for others, for the simple reason that he is Black. The challenge becomes raising a son who is respectful to everyone, but knowing that he will not get that same respect back from others for the simple reason that he is Black. The new challenge then becomes to teach him that law enforcement is fair and present to help bring peace and justice, but not to him for the simple reason that he is Black. The hardest part about motherhood is raising a son to love everyone knowing he will be hated, simply because of his skin colour. Teaching them to be good while teaching them that they will never be accept by society for absolutely no valid reason.
The hardest part about being a mother in general, is meeting all your child’s needs. Whether that need is emotional or physical, it is your duty as a mother to fulfill that requirement. It is extremely gratifying to be a mother, but the burden of always having someone depending on you can be challenging and stressful. Will you say the right words, Will you have that bandaid? That shirt they wanted washed? The tacos for dinner? or that $5 in cash they need for a school function tomorrow? As mothers, we often have to sacrifice to meet our children’s needs, but I wouldn’t change it for the world!
- POTTY TRAINING TWIN BOYS! But really… it changes all of the time. Here is what is tough right now:
- Getting through those days where I am completely exhausted and lacking the patience and energy my children need from me.
- Toddler tantrums!
- Watching my older child struggle with social situations (self-image) and school and knowing that as much as I help, I can’t fully control/change how she feels.
There are so many! But for me, it’s worry. How will they adjust to school? Will they make friends? Will they stay healthy and safe? Am I doing enough as a mother to ensure health and safety? Am I preparing them enough for what they may or may not face in life? So many questions. It is a daily struggle learning to trust God with my kids while still doing the best that I can with my human weaknesses and God-given strengths.
The loss of independence was the hardest part of motherhood for me to come to grips with. This was a huge transition as an introvert. What felt like a thousand tiny hands and demands on my body all day long, day after day, quickly became extremely draining. It took me several years to identify that I needed alone time to recharge. It was mind-blowingly simple. I just had to ask for help when I needed it.
Because I love predictability and to plan, the hardest part, and biggest shock to me was the unpredictability of it all. It starts as a newborn: feeding schedules, sleeping and wake up schedules, etc… Then as a toddler: sleeping/ waking patterns, food preferences, sicknesses, etc. And in addition to that… I think the other three hardest parts are: (1) having to be away from them and split your time between them, work responsibilities, and other life obligations. (2) always having to put their feelings before your own (even in moments of frustration), and (3) watching them grow up and knowing you can’t stop it. It’s bittersweet. You are proud of them for reaching milestones, but at the same time you know that they will never need you to put their shoes on again, want to be held that way, or say the word wrong in the cutest way (for my son it’s ‘hangabur’ for ‘hamburger’, ‘merote’ for ‘remote’, and ‘lellow’ for ‘yellow’— oh my heart!!).
When I got married to the love of my life, I quickly realize how completely vulnerable and accountable you become to that one person. Habits and crutches are all laid bare. I realized more than ever that there is real work to be done. Then when God blessed me with my babies – all was laid bare on a whole new level. I’ve struggled with self-esteem issues since high school. But God impressed on my heart the importance of teaching and modelling to my children that they are God’s masterpieces and that they can love themselves as such. It’s a daily battle to see myself as God sees me – but I fight with God as my strength to overcome Satan’s lies.
I have three kids ages 13, 11, and 3; and they all have very different needs. What’s challenging for me right now is constantly wondering whether or not I am meeting their individual needs. Did I tell my teenage daughter she is beautiful today? Did my middle son get enough attention? Did the baby have enough playtime? It’s a constant struggle for me given their age gap. In the end, I just want them healthy, happy and to know they are loved.
The hardest part about being a mom for me is that I really want to treat each of my kids fairly, but not the same. I find it very difficult to balance this. Each child is so different that you really have to find unique ways to connect with them, to show them appreciation, etc. This often leads to feelings of guilt and failure. Thank goodness for new mercies each morning and a chance to try again.
Being away from my family (my parents are 6 hours by car, in laws are 6 hours by plane) and not having a proper support system ever since I became a mom 7 years ago.
At first glance, a few things immediately come to mind. Managing worry can be quite difficult. Balancing my role as a parent with my role as a working professional has also proved to be a challenge. At times I have been frustrated with how society at large undervalues the role of a caregiver and doesn’t recognize the labour that is involved. As a woman, I have certainly found it hard when assumptions have been made about my role as a parent in comparison to my partner’s. Working to break down gender roles in our family has not always been easy and has involved a lot of intention and effort.
But perhaps the hardest part about parenting for me has been how all-consuming it is. I don’t think I anticipated how many basic needs would be sacrificed on a daily basis – sleep, eating healthy, exercising, privacy, autonomy, time to have my own thoughts, and interests, etc. Perhaps it is because my children are still very young or because my family lives far away, but I have found that “parenting breaks” are typically quick, fleeting, and usually not restorative. It has been a challenge finding ways to love and care for my kids as best as I can, while at the same time reserving time and energy for myself and my own needs. Most parents are inherently selfless and would do anything for their kids, and do it gladly, but I think that experienced parents have found a way to practice this sustainably. As I continue on my parenting journey, this is something that I think about a lot and hope to improve at.
The hardest part of parenting is questioning, “Am I doing enough?”
I find that I am always struggling to give myself grace when it comes to being a mom. Everyone has their own values on what being a good mom looks like and I think that is beautiful and important to acknowledge. But I set my standards to a point that I often feel like I am letting my girls down when I know I’m not. I am showing up every day, giving it my best, and I know that God will take care of the rest. I have seen the proof firsthand that my girls don’t need a whole lot of “fluff”. They need my love and my attention and all the rest is just extra. But learning to let go of high expectations I set for myself is a struggle.
The first thing that comes to mind is being unsure if I’m doing it right. Am I being kind enough? Tough enough, lenient enough, majoring on minors, minoring on majors? Serving too few vegetables, too many snacks, too strict with nap and bed time routines etc… I think it’s amazing how even though moms have been around for forever, there is no “one way” of doing things, and that for me as a type A personality is difficult. Also, the first six weeks with a new baby I find the hardest because there is no real rhyme or reason or pattern at that point!
The hardest part of motherhood happens in my head. We have so much to think about on a day to day basis. We must, to some degree, live in our heads. But if it goes unbalanced, it can lead to big problems. In my case it leads to social anxiety and depression. Those who knew me before kids might be completely surprised by the social anxiety part. I am not shy at all. I am, by all accounts, a people-person. But it got so bad that I couldn’t go to church with out having a panic attack.
The hardest thing about motherhood for me is just trying to balance it all. I am a wife, a teacher, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and a mother of two amazing boys. It feels like when I’m excelling in one area of my life, another area takes the back burner. I often feel like I’m spread too thin. My family will always be number one for me, and I need to learn that it’s okay if I am not perfect at everything! Motherhood is definitely a balancing act!
The hardest part about motherhood for me is feeling like I am failing my kids. When I lose my temper, or when I’m struggling mentally and try reminding myself to be thankful and present in each moment is definitely difficult. I fear that I will get it all wrong and my kids will not feel completely loved or will think I didn’t do my best.
The hardest part of motherhood for me is getting distracted by wanting to control behaviour when I know my real goal is to mould their hearts. Navigating their various, differing, and more diverse needs as they get older is also a challenge.
I think the hardest part of motherhood for me is being the only parent model of a relationship with God while knowing I am so far from perfect in that area, and trusting Him to guide my daughter. God still has made this a special blessing in my life. When I was pregnant with her, I remember praying so many times that God would make her a blessing for others and allow her to lead others to love Him more. She has definitely done that for me and is often the one who encourages me to read the Bible or pray, and so often contributes to turning my heart to God. So the hardest thing has also been my favourite thing.
As a mom, I struggle daily with being present and intentional with my middle school age kids when I find more tangible fulfillment completing tasks and connecting on social media. I also struggle as an Enneagram 2 to know when to detach myself from their happiness, sadness and needs. It is draining trying to be their “god” all the time. The Lord is tenderly reminding me (especially during this Covid-19 season), that I was never meant to carry the weight of their world, but to give them over to Him who can handle all the things.
Motherhood is a rollercoaster. Every age has sweet moments and challenges too. I can easily feel like an amazing parent one day, and an awful parent the next. I can be so in love and obsessed with my children one hour, and the very next hour be so angry and want to be as far away from them as possible. It’s also a challenge to adapt yourself to your children’s. various needs since struggles are so different for each child.
The hardest part about motherhood for me is feeling my kids’ pains. When they are hurting, I am hurting. Am I hurting more then they are? It definitely feels like it. Moms carry the weight of every stress, sorrow, fear of each child. Do we work through these things together? Absolutely. But seeing your child hurting is a heavy weight.
There are two that are neck and neck when it comes to what I’ve found to be the hardest (so far) about motherhood:
Getting out of any mindset, or not partnering with any lie that says being a stay at home mom to ‘wasted time’. I know God called me to motherhood (& being a stay at home mom), long before I became a mother and I know it isn’t ‘wasted time’. However, for years I worked in different businesses that God miraculously gave me skills for and I was accelerating in tangible and measurable ways.
Now as a mother, it isn’t about ‘measuring success’, getting a bunch of ‘tasks’ done each day, generating reports… it’s an entirely different world! It has nothing to do with any of that and it’s just deep (DEEP) waters of training up this little soul.
There aren’t markers or deadlines, but it is more planting seeds for future harvest(s) and probably not fully understanding the full impact until I’m with Jesus.
The second would be navigating the differences between punishment and discipline. From reading Raising Giant Killers (Brian Johnson) and Unpublishable (Danny Silk), I’ve realized the vast difference between the two, and I’m trying to learn how to navigate them.
There is no formula, and every age, child, and situation will be different.
The hardest part of motherhood for me was learning to breastfeed and the overwhelming pressure to do so. I felt obligated and trapped all at the same time. I am not a patient person to begin with, so the expectations I put on myself are unrealistic. Needless to say I do not like when I can’t do something well, so learning to do something that was out of my control was a massive challenge for me, as well as a lesson in patience. I think expectations, pressures, and realistic goals are always going to be a struggle for me as a mom; I always feel like I could be doing better.
The hardest part about motherhood for me is giving up what I want to use my time for, selfishly, for the purpose of being a loving, caring mother to the kids. The battle between self, and what’s the right thing to do… at any moment of the day (or in the night)… is the crux of all struggles. Giving your life away, for the sake of others, even those from your own blood. Also, for me… almost always knowing what’s the best/most prudent way to raise my kids (not for a lack of wisdom or knowledge), but not having the personal fortitude, strength or ability to carry it all out. And that is weighty.
There are a few things, but recently, it has been difficult to find a good work/life/family balance. Regardless of how I approach it, mom guilt often gets me when I’m transitioning from mom mode to work mode. I try to prioritize God first, family second, and everything else after that, but it’s definitely a challenge. I also find it challenging when I’m exhausted and my daughter pushes my buttons all day by doing things she knows she shouldn’t being doing, but she deliberately does them anyway, completely disregard my rules and advise… and all this while the baby is screaming and crying because of teething and wanting to be held all day and nothing makes him happy! So the all-encompassing day of buttons being pushed to the limit.
The hardest part of motherhood for myself is to instil biblical values deep in the hearts of my children. I desired to train them in godly character and lifestyle, as well as having a strong relationship with the Lord. Figuring out different personalities and how to gently parent their hearts can be very challenging and it’s something I’m always trying to learn more about.
The hardest part of motherhood for me is watching my kids go through “tough stuff”, and wanting to take the pain away from them, yet knowing how important it is for them to walk through these situations in order to grow and learn. I have teenagers… they go through tough “teenage” things… and while I hate seeing their tears, deep down I know that sheltering them wouldn’t be helpful in the long run.
Hardest part of motherhood:
Isn’t all of it hard? There are so many hard parts but my current challenge is going back to work and feeling the “mom guilt” all the time. I feel guilty going to work, then on my days off I feel guilty for taking time to do something for myself and not spending every waking moment with my kids. It has gotten especially hard when since my kids have gotten old enough to express their hatred for mom going to work! Also, the fighting between my twin boys is hard but I don’t think that’s going to end any time soon.
There are a lot of hard parts about motherhood right now, but so many sweet parts too, and I need to focus on the sweet ones. A hard thing right now is my two kids fighting or not getting along. They have learned how to push each others buttons. One minute they are playing happily and the next minute they are literally slapping each other in the face and screaming. I find myself struggling with anger when I see them act like this. I don’t understand how they can be so rude to each other. I know it’s common and siblings don’t get along splendidly every minute of the day. So this is hard right now, I am working on navigating this and working on staying calm.
Prior to motherhood, I was a full time student, then a full time employee, and I got used to measuring the success of my day based on how productive I was or how many tasks I completed. Well now, as a stay-at-home mom of a 14-month old, my job is to be present with my daughter and give her the best care that I can. I usually don’t have much to show for myself at the end of the day other than a happy, clean, well-fed, well-loved baby. But is there anything more important than that? Not for me, not in this season of life. So it’s been hard at times but I’m learning to value being present with her over accomplishing other more tangible goals.
Honourable mentions for the hardest part about motherhood: breastfeeding (the first 2-3 months were horrible) and the ever evolving journey of sleep and lack thereof.
After some reflection, I must say that the role in itself is the hardest part. Since the first time I held my eldest, my life became centered around the wellbeing of my children. Feed, clothe, and ensure I fill these blank canvases the best way I know how. Hoping that by setting the right example, I can shape and mould them to be good-hearted and well-mannered little people. I let go of that young woman I was just moments prior to giving birth, and instantly and wholeheartedly devoted myself to caring for and raising my first born. My life went from zero cares in the world, to hyper-focus mode in an instant. This only doubled when my second was born. Never looking back to any of the parts that made me who I was and only moving forward in being the best mom and example I could be.
As they get older now, there is even less time for ‘me’ and taking moments for myself can sometimes make me feel even worse. In considering all this, the hardest part for me is actually looking back and realizing that I am more than my ‘mother’ role, and that it is okay to be ‘Mommy’ and to just be myself at the same time.
The hardest part about motherhood for me is always having to be “on”. I’m an introvert who loves a calm, peaceful, and orderly environment, and obviously that’s impossible with a four year old. So having my every waking minute be dictated by a small human can be very challenging. I actually hid in the shower the other day just to get a few minutes of alone time. However my situation is unique in that our daughter is only with us half the time. So the hardest part of being a mom truthfully is simply in being a step-mom and living in the shadows of her “real” mom.
There are so many difficulties when it comes to parenting, from sleepless nights and teething to tantrums and disobedience and my children are still little….Lord knows what I still having coming! In addition there are all of the things I thought I knew and never realized the gravity of. I knew that having children would require sacrifice but I didn’t understand how vast the struggle would be just to simply recognize myself…I knew I would make mistakes but didn’t realize how deeply and frequently I would feel like a failure. For me, getting it “wrong” is the hardest part. The fear that the way I chose to do things would be the “wrong” way or that my imperfections, failures, and (frequent) moments of weakness would be too great that I would totally screw up my kids or worse, that they wouldn’t grow to passionately love Jesus Christ. Of course, this is foolishness, and when I fix my eyes of Christ, He reminds me that no mistake I could possibly make would ever be too big for Him to redeem and as I humble myself and ask their forgiveness when I mess up they are learning even bigger things from my example…even if I wish it wasn’t necessary. These children are after all only on lone from Him and He loves them more than even I could imagine.
Motherhood can feel easy and natural one day, and then exhausting and impossible the next. I find that the most difficult part of parenting is determining when to discipline or correct, and when to show grace. As a Christ-follower, my goal is to follow the example of our perfect Father; at times, his greatest kindness to us, his children, is to correct us. In other moments, He’s quick to offer mercy and grace. So in tough moments with my kids, when I can be frustrated, impatient or hasty, I find it takes a lot of intentional effort to slow down and seek wisdom before speaking.
Few things in life have been as stretching (mentally, physically & spiritually!) as parenting! Initially, I naively thought the sleepless nights would be the hardest part, but now I realize (for this season at least) it’s how to love them well when they need to be corrected. It breaks me when my almost four-year-old imitates my anger and directs it at me, or anyone else. Oh how I wish that wasn’t the case! Jesus continues to show me my weaknesses, His strength, and the depth of His love for me through parenting! I’m a work in progress over here 🙋🏻♀️
One of the hardest part of motherhood was that all of a sudden, this tiny little being was mine to take care of. All my wants and needs were to be put second, and my daughter was put first. As natural as it was to become a mother when she entered the world, it was still an adjustment with sleepless nights, problems breast feeding and not being able to soothe my baby when she was crying uncontrollably for what felt like no reason. But as hard as it was, adjusting to that became easy very quickly as my love grew for her each and every day. Fast forward to now, my daughter, a vibrant and energetic three year old, can be a lot to handle sometimes. Which brings me to a part of motherhood that has been challenging for me is learning to let go of control and let chaos reign, after all she is three. It’s challenging when you are an organized person and having your days planned out just to have your toddler come in like a hurricane and turn everything upside down. And during this time of quarantine it has been especially challenging while having to work and somehow entertain and keep my three year old busy. But through those moments, I have learned to love and let go of control to allow my daughter to be who she is, and watch her grow into her own, and to gently reign her in when I know she needs it. I remind myself that my work will get done eventually and I might not get these moments back of spending every day with her once I have to go back to work. It’s all worth it when she spontaneously throws her arms around me and says “I love you”, squeezing me so tight I can’t breath, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything, even all the hard parts of motherhood.
The hardest thing about motherhood is trying to do what needs to be done in each moment to help make my children the respectful, successful adults of the future. Is the decision I’m making now going to build them up, or is it going to have lasting negative effect on them?
The hardest thing about motherhood for me would have to be the loss of control. I am the type of person who thrives off of structure and routine, who likes to have things go according to plan. But when you have kids, that’s just not always possible. (Especially when your kids are more stubborn than you are!) Although this was much harder for me as initially as a new mom, and I have learned to be a little more “go with the flow”, it is still something that I am confronted with daily. It’s absolutely my job to guide and teach my children, but at the end of the day, they still have their own minds and personalities and I have to accept that I can’t control them. They aren’t always going to do things the way I would, and things may not always go according to plan. And that’s ok!
Motherhood is equally the hardest and the most rewarding job out there. Everyday brings new challenges not only for myself but for my children as well. It takes a lot of patience, stretching, and a whole lot of grace. From making the right choices for your child, to making choices within yourself that will affect your child, sometimes it feels like you can never do it right. One thing that has helped me is to recognize that although motherhood will not be easy, one way to ease that hardship is allowing God to help you with it. So although motherhood can be a difficult journey, it is not meant to be travelled alone.
The hardest part about motherhood to me is always wondering if I’m making the best decisions for my children. Am I spending enough time with them? Do I let them have too much screen time? Am I feeding them enough healthy food, or letting them eat too much junk? Do I give them enough freedom, or not enough? Am I too strict about some things? The list goes on! It’s not an easy road to navigate and even harder when you are working against outside influences coming from school, friends, and technology. I find it getting more difficult as they get older. They are starting to question my decisions more, especially when they see friends allowed to do things that they are not. Getting into disagreements over and over about the same things and always ending with the classic “Because I said so” can be exhausting. I just pray that God gives me the wisdom to raise my boys to trust and follow Him, to understand that my decisions are there to guide them and protect them, and that I do the best I can to prepare them for the world when it’s finally time to let them spread their wings. And when that day comes, that will the hardest part of all, letting go. Even with all the hardships, motherhood is my greatest joy and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
The hardest part about motherhood is living far away from my family.
There’s really nothing like family. They are always there to help out, give you companionship like no one else can, and see you at your worst without batting an eye simply because you’re family.
When I married my husband who is in the US military, I accepted the sacrifices I would have to make that come with being a military wife. For me, these include being away from family, friends, familiarity, as well as being alone when he’s traveling for work, moving often, and eventually having kids without help. I currently have two kids (4 and and 2) and 33 weeks pregnant with baby 3.
I love being a full-time mama but it does get lonely at times where I find myself longing to fill that void only family can bring. And of course the help with the kids, or stuff around the house that only family would do for you!
The hardest part? The last few months!!
But actually… guilt. Feeling guilty about not spending enough time playing with my kids, while simultaneously feeling guilty about not feeling productive enough in the home. Guilt that I don’t spend enough one-on-one time with each of them, guilt for blowing up at them and not being able to take it back, guilt for not setting a better example through my words and actions, and on and on…
Of course I know there is grace, of course I know they are loved, and I’m so thankful for how forgiving kids are, overall I am so thankful for the life our kids get to live in but it’s still hard.
Only one thing? LOL There are different stages of motherhood which present different hardships. Learning how to be a mom, sleepless nights, keeping your child alive! But I think the one constant hardship that never changes is learning how to balance being continuously selfless and also a bit selfish without feeling guilty. We sometimes need that selfish time off from being a mommy, to just recharge, and learning to do that for ourselves without feeling bad is so important. We are better moms to our little ones when we are healthy mentally and physically. And it’s ok to say I need some ‘me’ time.
There have been countless challenges to motherhood, one monumental challenge was breastfeeding. I wanted to breastfeed my baby, but he got the bottle too early. Once I gave in and let him use the bottle (at 3 months), life got easier and I learned to extend grace to myself and let my expectations go. I continued to pump until my son was one.
Oh, there’s supposed to be just one part of motherhood that’s hard? Well, obviously, the hours are crap. But even more distressing is that success can’t be measured in motherhood the way it can in other pursuits. Progress is slow, sometimes invisible, sometimes backwards. That’s a tough mindset shift when we live in a world that thrives on quick fixes and immediate results. Motherhood is humbling in the worst way, daily revealing my shortcomings and reminding me that I’m not in control.
Being blessed as a mother of four beautiful children makes my heart so full. I am blessed to be the mom of two girls (ages 12 and 5) and two boys (ages 10 and 7). As you can imagine, the days are full, long, difficult, fun, happy, trying, rewarding, and exhausting.
Here are two things on my heart that I struggle with in motherhood:
I don’t feel I spend enough meaningful, one-on-one time with my kids.
At night when I reflect on my day, I often feel guilty for not spending enough time with all of them. Do I divide my time equally between them, myself and my husband, or do I spend more time with some and not others?
Over the years I have learned about the different love languages of our kids. They each show their love and feel loved in different ways. I have learned that each child needs me to fill them up, to spend time with them according to their unique love language, and for different amounts of time each day. So it’s okay if the days look different from one to the next. They know they are loved and treasured so deeply.
Letting go of my kids
We have one starting high school this year and another starting kindergarten and I find that hard! The days may be long, but the years have gone by fast. My heart’s natural reflex is to keep them from all danger and shield them from life’s disappointments. I want to be a safe place of them to come, rest and be loved, but I know that their lives are in the palm of God’s hand, and my role as their mom is to raise God-fearing, Christ-following people who will join in with God’s work in sharing the gospel and fighting against injustice.
Motherhood is tough. I feel overwhelmed thinking about the fact that I’ve brought these perfect little souls into a world that feels very scary at times. My natural instinct is to protect and shield my kids from all of the hardships, but I know that this is where the growth happens. I’m in a constant state of battle in my head to make sure their life is beautiful, but also that they grow into strong, brave and kind individuals. It’s a dance.
One of the hardest parts of motherhood for me is watching my son grow but also wanting him to stay little forever. I know that I won’t be holding his little hand going up the stairs, wiping away his tears, or smothering him with kisses for much longer. I pick him up and hold him in my arms knowing that this will come to and end one day. Teaching him all that I know, praying that he will turn into a fine young man, and then letting his hand go. Hoping he will make the right choices in life.
For me, motherhood’s biggest challenge has been living in the tension of loving deeply and fiercely, but also letting go a little more in every new stage, and learning that my children are slowly moving from total dependence on me to independence, as it should be. Loving but also letting go. Learning to trust God in deeper ways through that process has been my greatest challenge.
Balancing everything! Especially being in ministry, and during a pandemic! The whole being a great mom, wife, cooking real food, being present, taking care of myself so that I can take care of others well. Combined with vocation and the ministry I’ve been called to. Most of the time it’s all good but it’s a huge balancing act. It feels like walking across a balance beam and constantly refocusing.
From The Overflow 